Who would want to make such a crappy movie? I can just see the pitch meeting:
"Alright, we need to make a new movie with this new crop of stars so we can all buy ourselves new mansions. To make it familiar to our audience, we're going to use every cliche that we can think of. When we're done using every cliche known to man, we're gonna rehash ones we've already used.
Yes, you're right; new school slut divas are very entertaining, so we have to have a character who fits that mold, except we'll make her so annoying that even she can't stand herself. We need to find someone who looks like Courtney Love for the role.
Fat people are funny, so we'll make the lead character fat. "Shallow Hal" already did that? Dammit. Okay, brainstorm here...I got it! We'll have the lead be a fat loser in high school with a hot friend that he's in love with. He'll tell her his feelings at a graduation party, but we'll pummel him with fat jokes that hurt him so bad he leaves town for good.
Since fat people don't count as real people, he'll have to get in shape and become a stud that gets any girl he wants; everything he wasn't in high school. Man, I can see the money rolling in. Anyway, we'll do something that forces him to go back to his hometown where he sees the girl he loved in high school. I'll have my crack smoking intern come up with some ideas to get him back to his hometown.
He'll see his friend again and he'll try to impress her, making himself look like an ass in a bunch of unfunny scenes-God damn, I am on fire-but the girl wants the old him, only with the new body because she is a shallow piece of shit who can't see inner beauty in a person.
A bunch more unfunny stuff will happen and the guy will eventually end up with the girl. Great ideas, but we need a good male lead to play the role. I got it: Ryan Reynalds. His strengths are confidence and a quick wit, so we'll only have him do that for maybe five minutes in the film, and then we'll have him act all awkward, and it won't work at all, but it will be great."
Written by: RF