This interview with Darkest Hour includes semi funny jokes that you can tell at your next gathering. In case you're unaware, Darkest Hour is a kick ass metal band who just dropped Undoing Ruin on Victory, which is well worth buying.

PL: Introduce yourselves.

JH: I'm John and I sing.

PB: I'm Paul, and I play bass.

PL: You guys did a photo shoot earlier? (They both say yes.) Was that weird?

JH: It never isn't weird, if that makes sense. It doesn't feel natural

PB: It feels natural if we just act like idiots during it, but then that feels weird too.

PL: Does the photographer pose you guys, or do you get to do whatever you want?

PB: Actually, every photographer is different. Sometimes, its a lot more fun if they get into it, and start calling you "babe."

JH: It makes you feel hot.

PB: He tells us how hot we are, and we make him drip sweat from his scrotum.

PL: Was the recording process for this album different from your other experiences?

PB: Yeah. We wrote this record a lot faster than the last one. And this time, our producer was full on producing.

JH: I would say that Devin (Townsend) was very hands on with each of us, also, which was pretty awesome. A lot of stuff from the last record, they gave us the key to the studio and let us track it ourselves.

PL: Was that good or bad?

JH: It was good because we got stuff done, but it was bad because there was no one to tell us "That fucking blew. Do it again." Mainly for the guitarists. The vocals and bass were perfect.

PL: Do you pay attention to what critics say about your music?

JH: I guess. I listen to it. It gets me a little bit if people say we suck. It makes me feel a little bit better about myself if we get a good review, but thats about it. I don't really care about opinions. When it comes down to it, its just one person's opinion.

PL: Is there any pressure to write new music, after you put out an album and tour on it?

PB: We kind of gave ourselves a deadline writing this record, so that was putting pressure on ourselves. It works out. A lot of us need pressure.

JH: Yeah, if we don't put pressure on ourselves, we won't do it. It'll take forever.

PB: I already have the basslines done for the next record.

PL: If you were sent to prison, would you be a leader or somebody's bitch?

PB: I guess they say you're supposed to kick someone's ass the first day, so I'd do that.

JH: It depends on how badass the guy is who is trying to make you his bitch.

PB: You could try and play the lunatic role so nobody would go near you.

JH: Yeah, like crap all over yourself so no one would go near you.

PL: If you keep yourself covered in crap, no one's gonna go near you anyway.

PL: Whats one movie everyone should go see?

PB: I'll tell you what movie I want to go see is the one about the penguins. "March of the Penguins" I think it is. I want to go see that. I also want to see "Fantastic Four."

PL: I heard it wasn't that good. It doesn't look that good (It turned out to be better than I thought).

PB: I'm ready for a letdown.

JH: I don't know. I just saw "Life Aquatic," and that was pretty awesome.

PB: I think if you haven't seen it already, you should go see "Corndog Man," but don't read the back of the box before you watch it. Just watch it.

PL: Tell a joke.

PB: Why don't you go to the bathroom with Pokemon?

PL: Why?

PB: He might Pikachu. Thats all I got. Wait, what was the one Ryan told us?

JH: I don't remember.

PB: Maybe Tito (tour manager) knows. (to Tito) Tito, you know any jokes?

JH: I don't know any fucking jokes.

PB: We need a joke here. (long pauses) Thats harder than any other questions.

JH: I've got a Michael Jackson joke: Michael Jackson goes into a K Mart because he saw a sign that said "Boys Pants Half Off."

PB: Its kind of pokes fun at Michael Jackson and K Mart jokes.

PL: K Mart's barely around anymore.

PB: Probably because the joke's damage their reputation.

PL: You guys are from DC, right? Or is it Virginia?

PB: I'm from Richmond.

JH: I'm from DC.

PL: Can you tell me a little known fact about either of them?

PB: Mr. Bojangles was from Richmond, VA.

PL: Thats a good restaraunt.

PB: I used to go get the two cinnamon biscuits for $.79. They don't have any Bojangles in Richmond anymore though.

PL: We ate there in North Carolina. The food was greasy as all hell.

PB: Yeah.

JH: There's a place called The Pharmacy Bar.

PB: Are the pills on the table real?

JH: Yes, they are real, but they're just tylenol.

PL: Name one album, besides your own, that you think all kids should have in their collection.

JH: How about Hell Awaits.

PL: What was it?

PB: Hell Awaits.

JH: By some band called Slayer.

PB: I think everyone should listen to Pink Floyd and Black Sabbath.

PL: Do you have any final comments?

JH: Um...kick ass, dude.

PB: I had something earlier, but I forgot. I usually have a lot when I'm riding in the van for when somebody asks me this, I'll have it. Maybe my final comment should be: if you have an idea, write it down.

JH: That is some really good advice.

A few minutes after, we started thinking of more jokes. Ryan, the drummer of Darkest Hour, and Tito also added some humor.

RP: A joke? Like a long joke?

PL: Any joke you want.

Tito: Give us what you got, man.

PB: All we've got is racist jokes and K Mart jokes.

RP: I've got one or two. Alright. How do you get Holy Water?

PL: How?

RP: You boil the hell out of it. (cracks up).

A discussion on jokes happens.

Tito: Check it out: There is this Indian Chief. He's got his head to the ground, and he's listening. This cowboy stops. The Indian guy goes: "Four wagons, driving west, 30 minutes ago." The cowboy goes: "Wow, how is it possible that you, having your head to the ground, know this. This is amazing. How do you do it? The Indian goes: "They just ran my ass over about a half hour ago."

Tito: I've got another one: This guy is gonna have a baby. He's at the hospital while his wife is having the kid. She's in a lot of pain. The next thing you know: BAM, the baby happens. The doctor comes in and goes: "Sir, I've got some good news for you and I've got some bad news for you." The guy goes: "I don't care. I just want to see my son." The doctor goes: "I've got to tell you that your son was born without a head."

"I don't care. This is my son. Is he alive?"

The doctor goes: "Alright, alright, I'll be right back." He comes back with a pillow, and there's an ear on this pillow.

The guy is wondering what the hell is going on. He goes: "Son, I love you!"

The doctor says, "There's no use man. The guy is deaf."

PB: Thats it?

Tito: Yeah, man.

PL: My cousin told me this one: A lady had a baby. They knocked her out because she needed a C-section. The nurse came in later with the baby, and dropped it. When the mother starts screaming, she goes: "April Fools. The baby was dead anyway."

Written by: RF

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