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Dogs are great. I went to Every Time I Die's van to conduct an interview with guitarist Andy Williams on October 10, and I was greated by Charlie, a cute little Chihuahua who sometimes tours with the band. The dog was really friendly, but pretty cold, and Andy wrapped her up in a blanket to keep her warm.
PL: State your name and an interesting fact about yourself.
AW: Hi, I'm Andy Williams. I play guitar in Every Time I Die, and I'm actually a really good bowler and I plan on being a PBA bowler when I get out of this band.
PL: Is it tough taking a dog on tour?
AW: Not really. Not when its Charlie. She's one of the best dogs ever, so not at all; not when its really little.
PL: Does it make driving to your next show more fun or exciting?
AW: Yeah, of course; way better. Its just like having a dog around, which is great. Its mans' best friend.
PL: Does the weather ever have an affect on your performance?
AW: Sometimes. When its really cold in the club, your hands stiffin up sometimes. It takes a song or two to warm up and really get fluid again.
PL: Would a gloomy day, like today; its been raining all day-
AW: That kind of makes me want to play more. Just for the fact that the day was shitty, I want the show to be really good. If the show is really bad, then I'm just in a terrible mood.
PL: Do you know the game "Fuck, marry, kill?"
AW: Yeah, yeah, yeah...my mom plays that game.
PL: Really?
AW: Yeah, she asks me that all the time. Its weird, I know.
PL: Since you have five guys, the last one would be cripple. So, you could do it with your band members.
AW: So its marry, fuck, kill or cripple?
PL: Yeah.
AW: Alright. I'd marry Rat Boy because he's my best friend. Um...let me think. I'd probably fuck Keith, just because he's the prettiest in the band. Man, we've went through bass players, so I'd probably kill our bass player. And I'd cripple Jordan.
PL: Whars your favorite female body part?
AW: I like asses. I'm definitely an ass man.
PL: How much money would someone have to pay you to fly to Mexico, drink 20 ounces of their water, and fly right back?
AW: Dude, I have the shits everyday. I've shit eight times today. Dude, I just took a shit and there was blood. Not in my shit, but when I wiped my ass, there was blood because I was already bleeding from the time before. So, that would be nothing. I'd probably do it just on the plane ticket alone. It would be a normal day.
PL: Whats one movie everyone should go see?
AW: There's a Korean movie named "Old Boy." That movie is fucking-it'll blow your fucking mind. Its absolutely one of the most insane stories I've ever seen in my life. Yeah, so "Old Boy."
PL: Whats a little known fact about Buffalo?
AW: A little known fact about Buffalo is that its the greatest city to eat in the whole fucking world. Its got everything you could possibly want. Its got good Mexican food. There's obviously good chicken wings. Its just the best place on Earth to eat.
PL: Name one album, besides your own, that you think all kids should have in their collection.
AW: Entombed-Uprising.
PL: Do you have any final comments?
AW: Yeah. Play this game that we call "The Shitty Snack Game." Basically, what you do is you go into the store. You can call the person out and go: "Yo, Shitty Snack Game," and they have to oblige. Then you go into a store, and you have whatever amount you want to spend on whatever, and you buy it, you bring it back. If the person obliges, the have to eat it; if they don't eat it, they're a bitch. You don't want to be a bitch because everyone will make fun of you. Throwing up is better than being a bitch. So, we play this game all the time, and it goes until one person bitches out. So me and Zach have been on literally a two year trek where we've been playing this game. And, today, he bought me "Tangy Barbequed Crunchy Larva." Its actual real worms, and you have to eat them. And its super hot, tangy barbeque, and they're larva. So, I don't know what I'm gonna buy him-probably pickled pig feet or something like that.
PL: Where did he find that?
AW: You can find these at Newbury Comics.
PL: That makes sense.
AW: Its disgusting. I have to eat that later.
PL: Are you gonna?
AW: Fuck yeah. I'm not bitching out; are you kidding me? I'm no bitch. I'll buy him a fucking octopus.
You see, the thing that sucks about it is, if you spend that amount of money, they have to spend the exact same amount of money. So, if you spend $5 on something, they've got $5 to pay you back, so you want to keep it small. If you buy him something thats $.99, then he has to buy you something thats $.99. Thats how the game goes.
PL: So, the next thing you have to buy him will cost $3.49?
AW: Exactly, which is a lot of fucking money, dude...in the shitty snack game.