Ever since the casting of “Stargate: Atlantis” star Jason Momoa (if star is the appropriate word for someone so close to being a God amongst us mere mortals) in Lionsgate’s reboot of “Conan,” possibly our most anticipated movie since Richard Fleischer’s 1984 game-changer “Conan the Destroyer,” only one question has haunted the playgrounds and water coolers of the country; what will Momoa look like when he plays Robert E. Howard’s classic pulp hero?
Many lost sleep over the question. Scientists and artists were commissioned to guess at what the result might possibly be, but everyone knew that even the best and brightest wouldn’t come close to what the chameleon-like Momoa, who has been the obvious heir to Brando’s throne ever since his scintillating portrayal of Jason Ioane on “Baywatch,” would come up with. After all, how could any of us hope to match the vision and imagination of director Marcus Nispel, who solidified his position as perhaps the greatest of the 21st century auteurs with his bold re-envisioning of “Friday the 13th?”
Finally, world leaders and international royalty gathered in Times Square for the unveiling yesterday, with exclusive rights to pass on the image granted to Bulgaria’s Nu Boyana Film Studios, where the film was shot (via ScreenRant, via FirstShowing). Families gathered around televisions, soldiers downed their weapons, just for one day, and huddled around radios. Speculation began; would we also get a glimpse at the A-list supporting cast, which features Ron Perlman, Stephen Lang, Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan and Said Taghmaoui, and which in no way reminds us of a direct-to-video movie from 2005?
But no; word spread over Twitter that only Momoa’s vision of Conan would be revealed. But that was more than enough for us. Finally, after live performances by Bruce Springsteen, Stevie Wonder, Jay-Z and the two surviving Beatles, and delightful compering work from Conan O’Brien, who performed an inspired fifteen-minute riff on the differences between himself and his fictional namesake, President Barack Obama approached the podium, to deafening cheers. “Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Jason Momoa as Conan.”
Look, it’s a guy with muscles and long hair. What do you want from us?