As the Managing Editor of The Playlist, I pride myself on bringing our readers the most thoroughly researched and important news about the film industry. And today, I’m proud to do that by sharing with you, loyal reader, the truth about Thanos’ rectum.
Back before “Avengers: Endgame” conquered the box office, shattering records and leaving fans sobbing, a popular fan theory about the ending went viral. It was posited that the quickest way for the evil Mad Titan Thanos to be destroyed would be if Scott Lang, aka Ant-Man (played brilliantly by Paul Rudd), shrank down to ant-size and, err, entered Thanos’ backdoor. Once “inside” Thanos, Ant-Man would then revert back to his normal self, or for the sake of comedy, he could turn into Giant Man. This would, in theory, make Thanos explode due to the stress put on his rectum by the superhero.
However, as we now know, that’s not the direction that directors Joe and Anthony Russo went in for their version of Thanos’ demise. And according to an interview with Empire, one of the film’s screenwriters, Christopher Markus, explained why the theory, appropriately called “Thanus,” wouldn’t actually work.
“Thanos could take a punch from the Hulk, we’ve seen that. And it stands to reason his whole body is at least as strong as that,” revealed Markus. “If Ant-Man expanded, he would be simply crushed against the immovable walls of Thanos’ mighty rectum.”
You see, the writer alludes to the classic scientific problem of the unstoppable force (in this case, Ant-Man) versus the immovable object (Thanos’ rear). However, in the case presented in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, the immovable object wins and Ant-Man would suffer the consequences in a very gross way.
Hopefully, this revelation is enough to put the theory to rest. If fandom is known for one thing, it’s that logic and reason wins in the end. So, for those that believe that “Thanus” would have saved the lives of countless people, we hope that Markus’ explanation allows you to sleep better tonight.