Trying to keep up with Comic-Con – the holy land for failures of all plus-sized shapes – is like trying to master Tolkien’s Elvish or learn fucking Klingon (it’s impossible and no one with a life would ever bother).
For those of you who aren’t familiar with comic-con, its a once a year affair where the species humongus dorkus emerges from its subterranean lair of solitude (parents basement) to gather in a socially awkward congregation to hear tid bits on movies and comics and while eating fistfuls of milk duds and whoppers, while the rest of the world pretends not to care but checks the information superhighway regularly for info and leaked videos.
Comic-Con also goes by fast and furious; it’s a strange land where also-rans like Chuck Norris, George Takei, Ray Parker Jr. , Kenny Baker, Rob Zombie and the 2nd grip boy on”Labryinth” are demi-gods.
So far this went down:
– Iron Man unveiled its rough cut trailer (and some budget T-shirts). Jon Favreau came out with a camera and filmed the audience and said he was putting the clip up on YouTube immediately. Audiences who were filming onhand with the direct intention of posting every awkward pause and cough onto YouTube went wild and were immediately filled with knowing, gut-busting laughter.
– Warner Bros. producers revealed the new Blade Runner DVD, it’s multiple geek-measuring editions and its bonanza of super extras.
– 20 minutes of some film we never heard about before until today, Beowulf, were screened.
– The new Spock was revealed for J.J Abrams upcoming Star Trek prequel (some dude from “Heroes”). It was also revealed that original Spock, Leonard Nimoy, would also make an appearance in the film. Losers rejoiced and hugged each other with tears in their eyes. “Thank God!” they exclaimed with do-or-die, relief.
– Indiana Jones filmmakers revealed that Karen Allen, the original damsel in distress in “Raiders of The Lost Ark” would return for the still untitled Indy 4. Not the worst casting move we’ve ever heard.
– J.J Abrams spoke about his oh-so-secret, apparently not titled ‘Monstrous’ monster film (you know they changed the film name the second the poster leaked). In a shameless bid at ingratiating himself with the non-existent life-trajectoried crowd Abrams said this generation needed its own beast. “We need our own Godzilla,” he said to massive applause and serious, no-nonsense nod-heading agreement.
It didn’t exactly happen at Comic-Con, but a lame teaser-trailer for Batman “Dark Knight” “leaked” online in shitty, shot-off-the-screen quality after some 6th level wizard filmed it off the screen and posted it on the YouTube. Don’t get too excited, it’s dialogue over a black screen, a slowly revealed Batman logo that eventually explodes and a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it quick frame of the Joker is said conflagaration (the clip has naturally been taken down). Apparently, a bunch a new Dark Knight viral site has launched.
Comic-Con is a three-day long event, so expect more news of the nerd kind.
