What’s up party people, here is your official Playlist Oscars 2014 live-blog, steered with reckless, and rosé-soaked abandon by me, Katie Walsh. I’m no awards pundit, or expert, but I am an enthusiast for fashions, celebrities, and live television mishaps, which is what these awards shows do best, as well as hand out shiny gold doorstoppers to the best and brightest of Hollywood. It’s also a wonderful way to celebrate the end of what has seemed like an incredibly long and convoluted Oscar season (which really, is most of the year now), and tonight will no doubt be a great catharsis of all our collective anxieties, disagreements and heated opinions. Don’t worry guys, tomorrow, we no longer we have to think about “American Hustle.”
While many of the major awards seem locked in (Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor), there are still some major questions about tonight: Best Picture is still a toss up, as well as the the battle between Lupita N’yongo and Jennifer Lawrence for Best Supporting Actress (see our predictions here). Whatever happens, we’re looking forward to a memorable Matthew McConaughey acceptance speech (MCCONAISSANCE!), something awkward about Woody Allen, and Ellen DeGeneres hopefully erasing the bad taste of Seth MacFarlane (with song and dance no doubt).
So pour yourself something cold, saddle up to this liveblog and unbuckle your snark gun. Let’s do this.
4:46: Ew. Who are these non-celebrities? #normcore
4:49: Bono on the Oscars red carpet; humanitarian work across the world grinds to a halt.
4:53: Jamie Foxx betta watch his daughter with Jared Leto in the house, Oscars 2014 Official Creepster.
4:58: Just switched over to E! and the shrill hysteria and incompetency was too much for my delicate constitution.
5:01: How great would it be if B-Coopz had gone with the perm tonight?
5:06: Bill Murray is like… partially aware of where he is right now.
5:10: Ooh Jimmy Kimmel #SHADE on livetweeters. I see you Jimmy (I’m in pajama pants, natch).
5:15: Does Will Smith even know he won multiple Razzies last night?
5:16: “Alotta F-U-N, man”- Jeremy Renner on David O. Russell. Presented without comment.
5:18: This is your reminder that Sandra Bullock is 49 and I need to know what black magic she has harnessed to look like that.
5:26: Oh wait, the Oscars are about to start, Lara? I HAD NO IDEA!!!!!
5:32: Is that a… forest of plastic Oscars??
5:33: Ellen’s look: Glitter Pilgrim realness?
5:34: Ellen is softballing this monologue. Jokes about rain and sommelier sounding like Somalian?
5:39: Ellen’s monologue sounds like the adults talking on Charlie Brown. Like I know she’s talking none of these jokes are landing.
5:42: Anne Hathaway in Disco Ball Couture.
5:42: Many musical numbers had to be jettisoned for these acting clips, no doubt. RIP musical numbers.
5:44: JARED LETO IS NOW AN OSCAR WINNER. HE’S TOO POWERFUL HE MUST BE STOPPED.
5:47: Okay, Jared learned his lesson on acceptance speeches.
5:51: Apparently, all the female animated heroes have red hair. BRB gonna write a thesis on this now.
5:53: Why do I feel like I’m at a Wiggles concert?
6:04: Harrison Ford: “Let’s get this over with.”
6:07: Geez, EASY on the hair gel, C-Tates.
6:13: KIM NOVAK with the “Magic Mike” reference. Thank you for speaking for us Kim.
6:15: The grand old Oscars tradition of adorable, awkward foreigners. Best part of this show.
6:19: Sally Field is proof that cuteness can last into your 60s. There’s hope, Zooey and J-Law!
6:23: God, I can’t wait for the Death Montage so we can finally get some energy in this room.
6:25: WHO LET IN ZAC EFRON?
6:26: Okay, I see you with your shoes off Karen O. Nappy times all around.
6:32: Kate Hudson working the “you shoulda cast me in American Hustle” look.
6:33: Adorable foreigners for Oscar hosts next year. Best part of this show.
6:39: DARLENE LOVE FOR PRESIDENT
6:53: Tyler Perry’s Collection of Brooches for Men… coming soon.
6:55: Ellen, sneakers, really?
6:59: Muted Bono, not sorry bout it.
7:04: This is the best moment by far
7:06: I like Lupita’s bro getting in on that celebrity selfie. Yo go, bro.
7:13: This clip of Lupita the first many voters have seen…? #SHADE
7:15: LUPITAAAAAAAAAAAAA
7:34: Whoopi borrowed Julia Roberts’ dress from the Globes methinks.
7:36: Before, when I said, RIP musical numbers? I was so wrong. RIP jokes, instead.
7:49: Heroes montage: where “Fast & Furious” and Jayden Smith can make an appearance at the Oscars.
7:57: We lost a lot of good ones this year, guys.
7:59: GOD NO THIS SONG IS MY KRYPTONITE *crying forever*
8:09: Academy voters watching these clips of “12 Years a Slave” like “oh I should see this.”
8:11: Wish this was VH1Divas with Idina Menzel, Bette Midler, Pink, and Darlene Love, tbh.
8:14: Both Jamie Foxx and Jim Carrey going HARD for that hosting gig next year.
8:19: Oh we got an EGOT up in here!
8:24: Ellen shaking down the stars for her pizza tab. Do you think they’re like “MOVE TO ANOTHER SECTION” yet?
8:28: Technical director, I’m gonna need WAY more reaction shots of Steve McQueen.
8:35: UM, how cute is Lupita with her Oscar in her lap?!?
8:43: At this point, I’m only concerned with what Cate decides to say about Woody.
8:47: HASHTAG SUCK IT is trending (or should be or will be).
8:50: Cate, THANK YOU for shouting out female films!
8:53: This Oscar for McConaughey is FINE RETRIBUTION for his “Magic Mike” snub.
8:58: WOW. “12 Years” takes Best Pic, bucking the Best Editing/Best Director predictor tradition.
9:00 Someone airkissed Steve McQueen and he has makeup on his face : |
