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Ashton Kutcher Stops Pretending He Is A Movie Star, Signs To ‘Two And A Half Men’

blankTheoretical Hollywood leading man Ashton Kutcher has decided to take a knee on his big screen career. The former “Punk’d” creator is now gunning for those lucrative TV dollars by replacing Charlie Sheen on the show everybody watches and nobody likes, “Two and a Half Men.”

This is an unprecedented move for the actor, who has recently experienced a solid level of success, his last three films pulling in worldwide grosses of $216 million, $98 million and $147 million, respectively. With another likely hit coming in the ensemble “New Year’s Eve,” the actor has never been hotter. It’s a puzzle why he would return to the world of television where he was discovered on “That ’70s Show.” We’ll go out on a limb, however, and guess that there are ten$ of million$ of rea$on$.

The deal follows speculation that Sheen’s replacement would be Hugh Grant, though Grant apparently balked at the 11th hour due to the grind of a television schedule and the fact that he wants to actually have a real career. Kutcher, who apparently has just enough integrity to take Charlie Sheen’s sloppy seconds, should be an “attractive” enough replacement to maintain the production company’s lucrative syndication deals, though there’s no word yet on what the nature of his character would be.

“Two and a Half Men” costars Jon Cryer and will be headed into its ninth season this fall on CBS. The show remains immensely popular, and last season, reached an average of 13.9 million households filled with sleeping people, the elderly, and fucking assholes. [Deadline]

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