Besides naturally getting older, how do you think your performance when you finally shot the film is different from if you had shot it the first time?
I was always very grateful for the opportunity since the beginning. But I think because of losing; it put me in an entirely different perspective on how to go about executing this character in particular because it just felt like I needed to go even harder and fall into it even more. And I just grew as a performer over the course of those years. And I think naturally, just because of certain things that happened in my life, and just understanding that because this was such a rarity, I wanted to just strip everything down completely and not care. Not care about what I looked like, not care about any, I guess, judgment around me. It just made me want to be bigger and better. And even within my training itself, I think I was a lot more enthusiastic the second go around because I was like, “This could have not happened.” So, I’m just very, very happy right now. And so I think things like that are just what helped my mindset. And I think that that just helped with the performance completely. I don’t think it would’ve been the same the first go-round because of that and other things, too. Having Brian a part of the cast as well was something that was such a blessing, and he makes everyone around him better. It wouldn’t have been the same film without him.
I know you spoke to Clarissa many times over this period. Was there anything that stood out that you sort of always remembered in the back of your mind about her own experience?
I think one of the things that would always be, I guess, remarkable to me in some ways is that she never looked at her life as some sort of karma. She didn’t look at her life as being the victim of anything. And I think it’s easy to think that with everything that she’s been through and to think that it’s a sad story in some way, that she worked this hard and didn’t get her just due and didn’t get the things that she deserves, but she does not look at it like that. And I think that that’s such a beautiful thing. I think it’s just a great outlook to have on the way that the journey is. It’s so up and down. It has its ebb and flows, but it happens for a reason that way. And you grow along the way, you become a better person, and that’s how she looks at it. And I honestly had to look at this whole journey itself in that way, too. I knew that things were happening for me and not against me. And I think that that’s one of the things that she does all the time, and that’s how she looks at her life. So it’s very inspiring to talk to her.
Is this the toughest thing you’ve ever gone through as an actor?
Yeah, it was definitely the toughest thing mentally, emotionally, and physically. It was the toughest thing. Having to spend five years on this was not something that I thought was going to happen. And I think it really changed me in so many ways. So watching it for the first time, I was really nervous, like, “Oh my God, if I do all of this and I hate it, that would suck so bad.” So, when I first watched it, I just had to brace myself and hope that I wouldn’t hate everything and every shot that I saw. But when I walked out of it, I really cried. I think I cried during, too, because I saw how much I transformed, and it’s different being in it versus seeing it. And that was my first time truly seeing it, and it made me very proud. I was really happy about the work. I was proud of everyone who was a part of it, our cast and crew. Everyone did such an amazing job, and it just filled me up with a lot of joy. And then, when I watched it the second time, I really understood the importance of how crucial this is to have this moment again and for people to see this story and learn about it. So, it made me cry for a completely different reason, and I was just so honored to be a little part of that and understand that this is so much bigger than me.
Listen, if it had come out in 2021, it would’ve been great. But there’ve been these peak moments for women’s sports, and for it to sort of come out right now is kismet timing, in a way. When I watched it even at its premiere in Toronto, I was like, “Oh wow, this is such a nice bookmark to what’s going on now.“
Completely agree. And I think that that’s another echo to the fact that things really do happen for a reason. We were also supposed to come out last year. Those things like that also kept pushing. Even when we were done, things kept getting pushed and pushed still. So, I think it all needed to happen this way. I think the way that women’s sports have just progressed within the last year even is really, really cool to watch and see. So, hopefully, this is just an extension of that.
“The Fire Inside” opens nationwide on Dec. 25
