It wasn’t supposed to happen this way and or at least almost everyone predicted it wouldn’t, but the “Sex And The City” movie trounced “Indiana Jones And The Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls” at the box-office this weekend.
One could of called it the battle of the aging sexes, but the ladies took it with an unexpectedly high $55.7 million opening weekend, while Indiana Jones 4, which was expected to top the box-office again was handed its tired ass by being relegated to the #2 spot, which has to be seen a tough blow to the film that’s taken more than a few critical lumps on the chin (it did still have a respectable showing of $46 million, but obviously not enough to take the top mantle again).
The victory took almost every movie pundit on earth by surprise. As Spoutblog notes, Variety’s Pamela McClintock says the debut “mystified Hollywood and shattered the decades-old thinking that females — particularly older ones –can’t fuel the sort of big opening often enjoyed by a male-driven event pic or family movie.”
Dear God, What The Fuck Were We Thinking?
And while that’s good and fine and all and we’re happy for the ladies, especially since they had to endure a ton of misogynistic and sexist reviews, “Sex And The City” was godawful. If we could holocaust-like deny that we actually saw the film we would, but we have to admit we did go see it (like we said we would) and oh boy, was that a huge mistake. Yes, we defended the film, or rather we defended the disconcerting over-use of sexism while describing and judging the film (we were part of it too, but it got to be too much near the opening weekend and a bit out of control), but Jesus, the film was so insipid it practically made us think women around the country should lose their voting privileges immediately and get sent straight back to the kitchen.
Ok, not really, not at all, but ‘Sex’ was just an excruciatingly long winded and drawn out episode in feature-length form and was essentially as banal and vapid as many had either already said it was or assumed it would be (for better or worse, we had to see for our own eyes which are now crying tears of blood). Every grotesque cliche that this movie could possibly flaunt was fully on display, the “conflicts” in the movie outside of Mr. Big (Chris Noth) leaving Carrie Bradshaw (SJP) at the altar were null and void and anytime a moment of potentially true emotional crisis raised its head (like when SJP and Miranda/Cynthia Nixon have a near falling out), it was glossed over and resolved in a matter of minutes.
As many have noted, “Sex And The City” the feature-length movie was ultimately a tale of friendship, which is nice and all, but useless when told in such a trite, corny and mawkish manner. The series already ended with a bow around it, but apparently someone thought the girls wanted another pony. File under completely unfunny, agonizing and unnecessary. [ed. mea fucking culpa, man]. [D]
Meanwhile, Sarah Jessica Parker is apparently not ruling out a sequel. Dear god, help us all.