“Showgirls”
Like any musical number worth its salt, sex scenes should also serve the narrative – either advancing the plot forward or delivering a key bit of information about a character. In the case of “Showgirls,” the sex scene between Elizabeth Berkley and Kyle MacLachlan, which takes place in the Las Vegas porno version of a Disney World swimming pool (complete with “lifelike” waterfall), gave us the insight that Berkley’s character was epileptic and suffered from violent seizures. How else to explain the “caught in an electrical fence” writhing that goes on while she straddles future Portland Mayor McLaughlin, with every muscle in her body seeming to spasm in a different direction. A lot of what “Showgirls” director Paul Verhoeven and screenwriter Joe Eszterhas thought was “hot” was, in fact, laughably ludicrous. By the end of it you don’t know whether Berkley has reached orgasm or if she should be rushed to the nearest emergency room. Kyle MacLachlan, for his part, just looks sort of bewildered, although his upper body strength is impressive and his amazing hair never seems to falter.
“The Matrix Reloaded”
There are many, many sins in “The Matrix Reloaded,” the wildly disappointing 2003 sequel to The Wachowskis‘ game-changing sci-fi actioner. It buries the film in nonsensical philosophy, introduces a host of dull new characters, and has to sideline its central character because he’s become too powerful (though it is, at least, better than the even-worse threequel, “The Matrix Revolutions“). But among the worst individual moments is the centerpiece sex scene, which sees Neo (Keanu Reeves) and Trinity (Carrie Anne-Moss) chastely copping off in a side room while some kind of ludicrous techno rave/orgy kicks off among the people of Zion. The Wachowskis’ commitment to the more transgressive side of progressive is admirable, and can lead to some pretty effective results (see their debut, “Bound“), but here it just feels like an extended and expensive shampoo commercial.
“Killing Me Softly”
“Secretary” might have legitimized the more bondage-y side of on-screen sex in the middle of the ’00s, but a few years later, the same thing had been attempted with the disastrous “erotic thriller” (and honestly, not enough inverted commas have been invented for this film) “Killing Me Softly.” Not to be confused with Andrew Dominik‘s excellent crime thriller of last year (“Killing Them Softly”), it’s the ill-advised English-language debut of “Farewell My Concubine” director Chen Kaige, and makes the fatal (but not uncommon, at the turn of the 21st century) mistake of assuming that Heather Graham is able to act. The “Boogie Nights” star plays an American woman who begins an affair with, and soon marries, a mysterious mountain climber (Joseph Fiennes), who may or may not be a murderer. The only thing more ridiculous in the film than the acting, the characters and the plot, are the “erotic moments,” which start with Fiennes and Graham banging their way across an apartment floor, watched by a cat, and which peak with Graham trussed up with silk ropes like a marionette. Not a bad idea in theory, but completely ridiculous in execution, as you’ll see below. Still, as one of the stupidest films in history, there’s still a degree of car-crash appeal to be found.
