“Losin’ It” (1983)
Now a justly forgotten trivia answer (Q: Which 1983 teen sex comedy starred Tom Cruise and wasn’t “Risky Business“?) “Losin’ It,” complete with funky apostrophe in the title signifying its youth cred, is a graceless, grubby little comedy with few laughs and less sex. It is notable, however for being Cruise’s first (and only) leading role prior to going supernova with the one-two punch of “Risky Business” and “Top Gun” — as such it features on our Cruise Before He Was Famous piece. But his part is very much straighter/duller than co-star Jackie Earle Haley’s motormouthed horny teen, and as the “romantic lead” all Cruise gets is a mopy deflowering by sad wannabe divorcee Shelley Long rather than anything more risque or fun. It’s very far from Cruise’s best work, and also very far from that of its director — Curtis Hanson (“LA Confidential“). And also including uncomfortable stereotypes about Mexicans (oh the boorish, greasy Tijuana locals who make it so difficult for a trio of white American boys to get some tail!), and an unthinkingly misogynist view of women, “Losin’ It” is more racist than racy and more sexist than sexy and really one for Cruise completists only.
“Mission Impossible II” (2000)
The great joy of the “Mission: Impossible” franchise is the way that each installment of the series has allowed their director to put their own auteurist stamp on the film while maintaining the common thread of the movies — rubber masks, ridiculous stunts. Unfortunately, the second film in the series’ 2000’s “Mission: Impossible II,” proved that that can sometimes be a problem as well as a boon. A riff on Hitchcock’s “Notorious” (penned, seemingly under heavy sedation, by “Chinatown” great Robert Towne) that sees Cruise’s Hunt reconnecting with an ex-girlfriend (Thandie Newton) in order to reclaim a deadly virus from a rogue IMF agent, it’s thinly plotted and written, with a deeply dull villain in Dougray Scott, almost entirely an excuse for some slow-motion action sequences courtesy of the guest director, the Hong Kong action legend John Woo. But Woo’s sincerity is an ill fit for the series, and his stylistic tics become overplayed, to the extent that it reminds you of the Garth Marenghi joke about slow motion being used because an episode was “up to 8 minutes” under running time. Even if “Rogue Nation” had been worse than it is (it’s pretty good!), it’s likely that this would have remained the franchise low.
“Rock Of Ages” (2012)
The big-budget film adaptation of Broadway smash “Rock Of Ages” should have been a lot of fun — a collection of jukebox 80s hair-metal faves, “Hairspray” director Adam Shankman in charge (and a script co-written by “Tropic Thunder”’s Justin Theroux), and an all-star cast including everyone from Russell Brand and Alec Baldwin to Bryan Cranston and Mary J. Blige, with, in the brief-but-showy role of rock star Stacey Jaxx, Cruise, in his first musical. That the actor is fundamentally and deeply miscast as an 80s rock star superstar, belting out “I Want To Know What Love Is” and “Wanted Dead Or Alive” — he’s obviously charismatic, but someone too clean-cut, like a PG-rated reprise of his “Magnolia” character — is somehow the least of the film’s problems. The cast never gel, particularly with the impossibly bland Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta (the director’s energy matches them), it leans camp and cartoonish, and the material feels stagey and unimaginatively shot throughout. It’s not Cruise’s worst performance, but in contrast to, say, “Tropic Thunder,” he’s a hinderance rather than a help, stopping the movie in its tracks every time he appears.
Honorable mentions
Expanding this list of Cruise’s finest hours to ten entries was surprisingly easy, and there are a few more that nearly made the grade too. The film itself is not much cop really, but one can absolutely see why his winning turn in “Risky Business” made the actor a star, and he hit his movie-star stride in the early ’90s, with performances in “A Few Good Men,” “The Firm” and the first “Mission: Impossible” all seemingly effortless, and all solidly entertaining. There have also been several slightly disappointing films from respected filmmakers that he’s nonetheless pretty good in, among them Neil Jordan‘s “Interview With the Vampire,” Bryan Singer’s “Valkyrie” and Robert Redford‘s “Lions for Lambs,” while more recently he had his (till now, perhaps) best outing as Ethan Hunt in Brad Bird‘s “Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol” and a clever, slightly self-effacing turn in Doug Liman‘s fun “Edge of Tomorrow” which gave even his detractors a reason to check it out: they got the joy of watching him die repeatedly.
Got an outlier favorite Tom Cruise performance? Tell us about it below. — with Rodrigo Perez & Kevin Jagernauth