Though it doesn’t have the same cultural cache as “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off,” “Sixteen Candles,” or “The Breakfast Club,” Martha Coolidge’s 1983 film, “Valley Girl,” beat John Hughes to the punch with a film that mixes realistic teen problems and a New Wave soundtrack, endearing it by an entire generation of audiences. Sure, looking back at it today, the film feels dated and cringey (as it’s a clear product of an era), but back in the early-‘80s, “Valley Girl” was downright revolutionary. And this is why you can’t help but feel monumental disappointment watching the new “Valley Girl” remake, which takes everything great about the groundbreaking film and turns it into a cookie-cutter jukebox musical filled with boring covers of great songs.
The film opens in the present day, as a middle-aged Julie (Alicia Silverstone) uses a story of her youth in the early-‘80s to help cheer up her daughter (Camila Morrone), who is dealing with a bad breakup. With the established framing device, the film flashes back to a teenage Julie (Jessica Rothe), a self-described Valley Girl, that is unhappy with her current situation, dreaming of independence and a life that isn’t determined by who she marries. And when the soul-searching Julie crosses paths with punk rock bad boy, Randy (Josh Whitehouse), both of their lives get tangled up together, as they have to navigate their rival social circles while also falling in love. It’s very “Romeo and Juliet,” but with neon colors, pop songs, and big hair.
Unfortunately, the new “Valley Girl” is handicapped from the very beginning. Whereas Coolidge’s film told this story using contemporary teen issues and cutting-edge music, director Rachel Lee Goldenberg relies so heavily on nostalgia and poorly drawn characters that this modern “Valley Girl” loses all the magic of its predecessor. And sadly, even when you push aside those expectations, the remake isn’t even an entertaining jukebox musical.
The musical interludes in “Valley Girl” reduce the film from just being a subpar remake to being wholly unimaginative and boring. Jukebox musicals, by their very nature, feature new covers of classic songs used to excite the audience and potentially lead to sing-alongs, but Goldenberg’s film doesn’t feature one song that comes close to matching the original. And most of the time, the musical performances presented aren’t just poor covers that make you wish you were actually listening to A-Ha’s “Take On Me” instead of watching two actors belt out pseudo-karaoke, but the songs are on-the-nose and unimaginative, making the 102-minute run-time feel twice as long.
Cuts like “Bad Reputation,” as you’re introduced to the kids from the wrong side of the tracks and “We Got The Beat” to showcase the pristine Valley kids lead you to believe the people involved in the music of the film spent all of five minutes thinking of songs to include and didn’t even bother trying to surprise the audience or introduce a new generation to a forgotten gem. What needle drop does the film use to illustrate the heartache Randy is suffering from? None other than “Boys Don’t Cry.” How about a scene where the Valley Girls play around on the beach? “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” naturally! Perhaps the most egregious example of the lack of imagination is the naming of the douchebag boyfriend character. Ostensibly, the only reason his name was changed from Tommy in the 1983 film to Mickey was an excuse to use the song “Hey Mickey.”
It’s a shame that the musical portion of this jukebox musical is so disappointing because the cast that is brought together is actually pretty great. Jessica Rothe and Josh Whitehouse share great chemistry as the star-crossed lovers. Rothe, in particular, continues to show that the charm on display in the “Happy Death Day” films is genuine, as she brings joy to every scene she’s in. Even the supporting cast delivers the goods, including Chloe Bennet’s spot-on portrayal of a Mean Girl and Jessie Ennis’ endearingly dorky teen trying to fit in. But with the inclusion of the incessant musical interludes that don’t add anything to the plot, these characters are never given more than a couple of brief scenes before a new song starts up again.
While it’s easy to blame Goldenberg for the musical problems in the film, you can’t fault her technical ability to bring the exaggerated, whimsical world of the ‘80s to life. The self-aware story—the film quickly undercuts criticisms of being too campy by having the adult Julie in the present-day cheekily admitting, “That’s how I remember it!”—invites the audience to not question the over-the-top production design and costuming. If only the film was deserving of this craftmanship.
Fun acting, playful imagery, and a catalog of great ‘80s songs should be the winning recipe for a delightful musical. Alas, the “Valley Girl” remake doesn’t have the musical chops to separate itself from being compared to an overly long episode of “Glee” and definitely doesn’t bring anything new to the film world that will influence movies for years to come, as the original did four decades ago. Instead, “Valley Girl” is a forgettable, bland attempt to capitalize on nostalgia that wastes the talents of the cast and crew. If nothing else, the threat of a silly “punk rock” cover of Modern English’s “I Melt With You” should be enough to scare away most discerning audiences. [D+]
