In spite of the largely negative reviews, “Hancock” film pulled in $107 million this past holiday weekend and despite our better judgement we went to go see this useless piece of shit.
We don’t expect many of these films to be masterpiece theater, we keep our expectations lows, but is an enjoyable popcorn flick too much to ask for? Apparently so.
You’ll remember the idea of this film, had us cautiously optimistic a few months ago, but Christ were we off. Though in recent weeks, all the mediocre reviews and telling hints about the film should have prepared us for what a sloppy, uninspired and clunky mess this insipid monstrosity actually would be).
In case the trailer didn’t tell you everything: Will Smith stars as Hancock, a drunken degenerate “super-hero” who becomes a menace to society by causing more harm and damage than good every time he stops criminals in L.A. Millions of dollars of damage is always created in his wake and the city, its mayor, chief of police and citizens are calling for his blood, but of course his seemingly unique powers are above the law, so he answers to no one. Hancock randomly saves Jason Bateman’s character from a near-death experience and the do-gooding, idealistic PR guy trying to change the world is the only one seemingly grateful for being saved (Charlize Theron plays his doting wife). He tries to urge the constantly imbibing hero to shape up and change his image, eventually persuading him to do some jail time to prove that he’s willing to pay for his actions. Frustrated inside, crime escalates and Hancock is soon freed by the Police Chief and Mayor so he can stop the out-of-control criminals. All is well.
Until the third act where the twist is revealed and mind you, it’s been pretty much visually telegraphed the whole time with Charlize Theron giving, overstated obvious sneers and looks when she’s first introduced to the homeless avenger. SPOILER AHEAD. Though the only thing that really can be spoiled here would be your naive perception that this film could actually be good, therefore saving you $11 dollars, which we think is heroic in this respect and a public service announcement.
So, ta da! Will Smith and Charlize Theron turn out to be gods, or angels, “or whatever they want to call us,” she says. A married couple, they’ve apparently lived for centuries, but Hancock has been suffering from amnesia for 80-some years and is clueless to the whole situation until he hits on her and she throws him through a wall with her own super powers. They fight, destroy more stuff, and the rub is… the closer they are in proximity to one another, the faster they become mortal and vulnerable to bodily harm.
Perhaps it doesn’t sound so bad, but the execution is just terrible from pretty much minute one and twist or no twist, this film is godawful, lazy and just a waste of time. Since we’ve already spent far too many words on this . Let’s rely on others to convey what we mean.
“The superhero genre screams for a makeover, or at least a smart deconstruction, but Hancock isn’t that movie. It just ups the foolishness ante,” writes Newsweek. “The problem is that director Peter Berg…seems to have made it literally, not realizing its out-of-whack tonalities and grotesque plot twists were meant to be played for laughs,” said the Washington Post. “The sloppiness is quite startling. There’s no development here, just a string of clangorous action sequences and a fusillade of givens. Once the tale takes its radical turn, every vestige of subtlety is blown away,” sneers the Wall Street Journal. “A godforsaken (possibly literally) mess,” the Austin Chronicle simply writes.
If you haven’t already paid to see this thing because you were bored this weekend, do yourself a favor and skip it. Heaven have mercy on us all. Thinking we just helped fuel Scientology by contributing to the dollar mass of this weekend’s insane box-office rake-in makes us ill. Let this be a reminder to be more vigilant in the face of seemingly obvious mediocrity. Never Forget…[D]