In “I Sell The Dead,” Dominic Monaghan plays an 18th century murder suspect headed for the gallows before receiving one last visit from a suspicious-looking priest in the guise of slope-browed Ron Perlman. He begins to tell the man of the cloth exactly how he may have come under suspicion in a murder case– the man was an unrepentant grave-robber with a sickle-toothed partner (Larry Fessenden), in an enterprise that swelled when the duo learned that a quicker way to profit was by reanimating the dead.
Most films, even the pretty decent ones, overstay their welcome, some as early as the 100 minute mark, others much earlier. Rare is the film that completely maximizes its footage, coming in at a length that allows you a full artistic/aesthetic experience while leaving you free to actually experience the day. Anything less than that is TV, and sadly, the padded “I Sell The Dead” feels exactly like TV. As a horror film, Glenn McQuaid’s debut feature contains a few scares, mostly in the first half, undermined by its glib take on mortality aimed at a twelve year old’s sensibility. The jokey underpinning of the film- zombies for cash!- eventually leads to a schizophrenic third act with more of a crime-gang tone, as alliances are questioned and blood spilled.
The deck is stacked in McQuaid’s favor to a certain extent, as he’s loaded the damn thing with genre vets, each of whom realizes thinly-sketched characters enough to keep the narrative rolling. Filmmaker Fessenden acquits himself well in the role of a sleazy veteran of the trade, while Monaghan’s mugging for the camera seems fitting for a neophyte, and while it gets tiresome, his performance straddles the necessity of the framing device. His cagey experience peaks through in the confession scenes, drawing an effective contrast between his flashback moments that make up two-thirds of the film. Perlman is typically hammy, especially during his last scene, while Angus Scrimm shows up to pretty much look exactly how he looked almost thirty years ago in the first “Phantasm,” a fact that proves much scarier than the rest of the “I Sell The Dead.”
Owing a great deal to EC Comics’ style storytelling, “I Sell The Dead” ultimately doesn’t seem to be about anything, and as such, it only plays like one of the better (best?) episodes of the maligned Masters of Horror series from Showtime. The slapstick humor, which reaches its nadir during a poorly visualized non sequitur alien visitation sequence, seems best suited for an animated form, which McQuaid and company probably realized as a few sequences with exposition feature hand-drawn depictions of the events. Funny in fits and starts, scary for approximately thirty seconds of its runtime, and decently acted, “I Sell The Dead” seems like a reliable placeholder for the discerning horror fan who likes a little gran guignol humor peppered in. Probably belonged on DVD only, however. [C+]
“I Sell The Dead” opens this weekend in New York City at the Quad Cinema.
