Also, Adam Shankman and Bill Mechanic are producing tonight’s show and no matter how much you might hate musicals, you can’t deny the fizzy, frantic, over-the-top delight of Shankman’s remake of “Hairspray.” The dude’s also a choreographer so we approve of their decision to eliminate the Best Song performances (always painful, and painfully boring) and throw in a couple dance numbers instead (though who knows this could totally backfire and it is a bit of a shame that Ryan Bingham won’t be able to play his excellent “Crazy Heart” theme). They’re still doing the questionable presentation of the Best Actor nominees (last year past winners introduced them — a not entirely successful experiment in our own opinion), but apparently it’s being tweaked a bit to have friends of the nominees introduce them — we’ll see what happens (and this is probably why tweeners like RPatz and Kristen Stewart are presenting??). And we can’t forget the Death Montage Applause-o-Meter. Who will come out on top, Patrick Swayze Natasha Richardson, David Carradine or Brittany Murphy? We’re already psyched and we haven’t even mentioned the planned John Hughes tribute or the tribute to horror (though in our minds some of the biggest blows to cinema were the deaths of Karl Malden, Eric Rohmer and… we’re probably forgetting others as well). This show is hopefully going to rock, especially when Mo’Nique and “The Hurt Locker” win (curious about the rest of our Oscar Predictions?) Here’s hoping our high expectations don’t let us down. Unfortunately, everyone won’t be getting hammered like they do at the Globes, so Shankman, you better bring it.
6:30: (approx): Ok we’re here, red carpeting. So, Vera Farmiga just admitted to pulling for Kathryn Bigelow for Best Director to Ryan Seacrest, NOT her “Up in the Air” director Jason Reitman. She caught herself but, OOPS.
6:37: James Cameron says if he starts “Avatar 2” tomorrow it will be at least 3 years away. Yay! Can we make it 5? 10? Never?
6:50: Sandra Bullock is dressed like the Oscar statue. Is she trying to make this win happen with The Secret?
6:54: Lenny Kravitz confirmed on the carpet he’s teaming with Lee Daniels again in the upcoming project “Selma,” joining Robert DeNiro and Hugh Jackman.
6:58: Diane Kruger go straight to the Worst Dressed List, do not collect $200.
7:06: Miley Cyrus, you’re at the Oscars, stand up straight, you ungrateful tween.
7:11: Amanda Seyfried cops to being in “Red Riding Hood.” Also, she’s leaving Big Love to work more. Interesting, we like Seyfried.
7:17: Kathryn Bigelow is so hilariously taller than Seacrest.
7:18 Charlize Theron are you kidding me with the giant boob roses?
7:28: Adam Shankman walking the carpet with Queen Latifah. Loves it. Clooney is butting in. Oh, CLOONEY.
7:30: Could it have killed you to comb your hair, Clooney?
7:30: Seacrest basically cut off the Queen for Clooney. Shameless.
7:31: Meryl Streep looks awesome. She scolded Seacrest for “cheerleading” for Sandy B.
7:33: It seems so wrong for J.Lo to be promoting the sure to be a bomb “The Backup Plan” at the Oscars. Even she seemed embarrassed.
7:39: Gabourey Sidibe just fist bumped Keanu. Amazing. She also just said, “If fashion was porn, this dress would be the money shot.” She’s got a way with a quip.
7:41: However, isn’t annoying when commentators are like, “doesn’t she just have the best self-confidence?” re: Gabby Sidibe. Love how she owns the shit out of them though. Seacrest can’t get anything by her. BTW, was that Woody Harrelson who just blew off Seacrest? Gotta love Woody.
7:43: Seacrest relays that Ozzy Osbourne wants Robert Downey, Jr. to play him in the movie of his life. Good choice.
7:44: It seems like Seacrest is hinting that Neil Patrick Harris will open the show. Isn’t this old news?
7:50: Jason Bateman: “Will Arnett is a lousy Canadian.”
7:52: Seacrest tells Jeff Bridges the award is for “a body of work.” Jesus, Seacrest. I mean it’s true but still, why you gotta throw it in a guy’s face like that. Apparently E! viewers think Clooney is gonna take the statue. Not gonna happen, E! viewers.
8:03: Five Supporting Actress nominees in on the carpet– random guy barely remembers Anna Kendrick’s name. Mo’nique: “I’m floating, Maggie are my feet touching?” LOVE MO’NIQUE.
8:07: What is wrong with Kathy Ireland? Who hired her for this?
8:10: Helen Mirren: “He can laugh at my fat back and I can laugh at his bad knees.” Talking love between “grown people” with Christopher Plummer in “The Last Station.” Please, Mirren, you know you’re the hotness.
8:13: Apparently this isn’t the first time they’ve done 10 Best Picture Nominees– there were 10 the year “Casablanca” won. The more you know! Shooting Star!
8:15: Sarah Jessica Parker has a challah loaf pinned to the back of her head.
8:20: Oof I’m embarassed on behalf of the guy interviewing Tina Fey and Steve Carell. “Do you know it’s not the Emmy’s?” That went over like a ton of bricks.
8:23: Kate Winslet (looks amazing) presenting Best Actor. To Colin Firth? George?
8:25: Kathy Ireland, say “Ga-BOO-Ray” one more time. Practice that much? Seriously, who hired her?
8:30: All the acting nominees being introduced onstage. Weird.
8:31: NPH IN SEQUINS! Song and dance number with showgirls. Love “Can’t take James Cameron from his CGI” lyric.
8:34: Steve and Alec descend in in a rhinestone bedecked, showgirl draped apparatus. Their banter is *somewhat* amusing? Of course Meryl is getting the brunt of the jokes.
8:39: Putting on 3D glasses to make out James Cameron in the audience. Ha.
8:40: Bigelow seated directly in front of Cameron. Fun!
8:42: All this seal-clapping on Baldwin’s part is odd. Part of the humor?
8:43: Penelope Cruz presenting Best Supporting Actor… Kind of glad they are doing clips again. Feel like they didn’t do it last year? The length of these packages though– sheesh, it’s gonna be a long night kids.
8:46: … And the award goes to… Christoph Waltz! Obvs.
8:48: “Oscar and Penelope– that’s an uber-bingo.” Oh Christoph.
8:50: Ryan Reynolds presenting “The Blind Side” for Best Pic. Awkwardly standing on a podium in the middle of the room.
8:55: Cameron Diaz and Steve Carell presenting Best Animated. Is this Jude Law script flub thing for real? This animated interview clip package is fairly cute. They always do something randomly cutesy with this.
8:58: And the Oscar goes to…. “Up!” No surprises there.
9:00: Poor Amanda Seyfried has to present with Miley Cyrus for Best Song. Songs only get behind the scene’s recording packages. Ah well.
9:04: “The Weary Kind” wins!
9:05: Ryan Bingham is the cuteness. Thankfully T-Bone keeps his mouth shut after his cramazers Globes speech.
9:06: Chris Pine presents “District 9” for Best Pic. Is it the sci-fi connection?
9:12: RDJ and Tina Fey presenting screenplay. RDJ is wearing insane glasses but this is the best banter thus far. Thank god. First LOL of the night! By the way, this is the first category that really is a toss up so far. Who will it go to?
9:13: Best Original Screenplay goes to…. “HURT LOCKER!” Mark Boal, woot. QT looks pissed. And puffy.
9:16: Mark Boal kind of looks like Bizarro Jason Reitman.
9:16: Yay, cut to Brian Geraghty! We love him, he looks nervous!
9:17: Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick present the John Hughes tribute. Molly looks straight deer-in-headlights.
9:21: Aw, John Hughes tribute is awesome. OMG Brat Pack reunion. Except also, Macauley Culkin. And no Emilio Estevez, Demi Moore, etc. So not really. Kind of.
9:23: Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner look bored and gloomy. Goddamn whippersnappers need to respect the Hughes!
9:24: Sam Jackson presenting “Up” for Best Picture. Fervently. Kind of wasn’t expecting that.
9:27: Carey Mulligan and Zoe Saldana presenting shorts. Taylor Hackford, David Frankel, and John Lasseter are telling us why short films are important. Hilarious old school footage from their old school shorts.
9:31: Best Animated Short is… “Logorama!” The only one I’ve heard of.
9:34: Best Doc Short is… “Music by Prudence.” Yay?! I have no idea. Crazy red haired lady just pulled a Kanye on this poor director. And the orchestra comes in. Awkward.
9:36: Best Live Action Short… “The New Tenants.” Oh snap they cut the mic on the second guy. I hate when they do that.
9:37: Ben Stiller in Avatar makeup. Oh dear. And speaking Navi. This year’s Joaquin Phoenix gag!
9:39: Damn, and James Cameron isn’t cracking a smile. Cold. Ben Stiller is so awkwardly hilarious. Cameron cracks on the tail joke.
9:40: Oh, by the way, he’s presenting Makeup… and the winner is… “Star Trek.” Gotta love those Spock ears. And sexy naked green girl.
9:43: Jeff Bridges presenting “A Serious Man.” Coens connection.
9:47: Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams present Adapted Screenplay. Love this reading the stage directions over the clip. No really I do.
9:50: And the winner is… “Precious!” WOAH! “Up in the Air” UPSET!
9: 53: DAMN, we missed if there was a Reitman cutaway during the Geoffrey Fletcher speech. Anyone catch it??
9:53: Governer’s Ball montage– really wish we could have seen Lauren Bacall, Roger Corman and Gordon Willis honored tonight. At least they are getting a little shout out.
9:55: Robin Williams will now present the Best Supporting Actress statuette to Mo’nique. Thanks for playing, other ladies.
9:59: YES MO’NIQUE. GO ON GIRL, HEYYYY. Standing O!
10:00: Mo’nique is fierce per usual. I give her Globes speech the award over the Oscar speech though.
10:01: Colin Firth presents “An Education” for Best Pic. Anyone else think Firth’s hair is looking weird tonight?
10:05: Sigourney Weaver presenting Art Direction… winner is “Avatar.” They had it in the bag. Why can’t James Cameron laugh at any of the jokes? Damn homie.
10:08: Geez this Baldwin/Martin routine is hokey. Disappointed.
10:09: SJP, her challah bread and Tom Ford present Best Costume Design… BRIGHT STAR BETTER WIN.
10:10: “Young Victoria” obviously. That movie was made to win Best Costume Design. Oh Sandy Powell, “I already have two of these.” She dedicates to designers who don’t do period pieces or musicals. Heh.
10:12: Charlize Theron and her unfortunately placed roses present “Precious” for Best Pic. Snooze. That’s all I got. This night is moving along at a rapid clip, but they seem to have sacrificed all the entertainment. Bring on the Death Montage!
10:17: Baldwin/Martin Paranormal Activity spoof for… no… apparent… reason.
10:18: Twilight Tweens present horror montage. They are a snooze and a half. Perk up, kiddoes!
10:22: QT REALLY enjoyed the Horror Montage, but “Edward Scissorhands”?? “Twilight”?
10:23: Zefron and Anna Kendrick introduce Morgan Freeman’s voice to talk about Sound Editing/Mixing. People always pay attention when Morgan Freeman explains things.
10:25: “Hurt Locker” takes Sound Editing. Nice. It was only supposed to get Mixing. BIG SIGN peoples!
10: 26: Ok, now Mixing is up. Come on back out guy from “Hurt Locker!”
10:27: Ok, what is it even like to win 2 Oscars within 30 seconds? Love that he said it was embarrassing.
10:28: Oh Lizzie Banks just loved burning James Cameron, but I’m starting to feel for the guy. It’s a “Hurt Locker” sweep! Everyone picked “Avatar” for the Sound categories.
10:29: Travolta presents “Basterds” for Best Pic. Best part is getting a taste of Morricone music. Folks, if “Hurt Locker” doesn’t win Best Pic at this point in the game… well then… I just don’t know. The universe will implode. Eeps, now I’m getting nervous I’ll jinx it.
10:35: Sandy B. presenting Cinematography… and the Oscar goes to… “Avatar.” Ok, now James Cameron can perk up. A little bit. Not that much.
10:38: YES DEATH MONTAGE IS HERE!!!!!
10:39: Swayze didn’t get a sound bite? And there is NOT ENOUGH CLAPPING. The applause-o-meter is not even worth breaking out. Kind of amazing that Karl Malden got the closing shot and more clapping than Jacko.
10:45: Best Score presented by J.Lo and Sam Worthington in glasses. Presenting the score nominees with the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers? What on earth is that?
10:48: Breakdancing + modern dance to orchestral scores. Kinda awesome. Kinda weird. Not what I was expecting from Shankman, but I’ll take it.
10:51: And they crowd goes wild. They love some breakdancing. Cameron looks pissed again. Again, what is going on with Clooney’s hair??
10:52: Michael Giacchino wins for “Up.” Yup, not a surprise.
10:54: Gerard Butler and Bradley Cooper present Visual Effects. I mean, is there any question? It’s gonna go to the “Tard.” And the winner is… Avatar.
10:56: Jason Bateman presenting “Up in the Air” for Best Pic. Is Clooney sitting next to a lady not his lady companion? Sorry guys, this presentation is a snooze…. I’m reaching.
11:01: Matt Damon presenting Best Doc. Come on, “The Cove!”
11:04: YES “THE COVE!!!” Poor Louie Psihoyos and Ric O’Barry get cut off by the overly aggressive orchestra.
11:05: Tyler Perry presenting editing. So many “Avatar” jokes tonight. This is kind of painful. Snuggie jokes, ugh, come on guys.
11:07: “Hurt Locker” takes it! Big award! Totally deserved. Btw, how cute are these dorky married editors? Love! Editing winner usually takes Picture so things are looking good….
11:08: Keanu Reeves presents “Hurt Locker” for Best Pic. Love that they chose a “Point Break” connection for that presentation.
11:14: Pedro Almodovar and Quentin Tarantino present Best Foreign Language. QT knows nothing’s going his way tonight so he’s just acting crazy at this point. He’s all sweaty and disheveled.
11:17: “The Secret in Their Eyes” takes it. We called it. Yup, no, not “White Ribbon” or “Un Prophete.” Ha, this guy is trying to get as much of his speech in as possible against the orchestra. Nice shout out to Chile, from an Argentinian no less.
11:20: Confused, I thought I saw something on Twitter that Kathy Bates hates James Cameron? Ah, well. This is… AVATAR. I love how everyone feels the need to say it all dramatic like.
11:23: Jumping right into the clips of the Best Actor noms. Uh. Ok. And here comes the friend anecdote parade.
11:26: The Dude is tearing up! Amazing. Love me some Bridges.
11:27: These anecdotal blow jobs Are. Too. Long.
11:28: It is much more touching to have people who know them well give these overly long presentations. Give me some man tears, Freeman!
11:29: Gotta love that Colin Farrell and Jeremy Renner are connected by the cinematic masterpiece, “S.W.A.T.”
11:31: Come on, Kate, let’s do this. Get it moving. And the winner is… Jeff Bridges.
11:33: Standing O for the Dude! Jeff is yelling “Mom and Dad! Yeah look!” and giggling. I freaking love this dude. Obviously would have been nice to see Jeremy Renner take it, but it’s hard not to love everything about Jeff Bridges.
11:41: Michael Sheen is just such a charmer. And I love how everyone (myself included) just always wants to talk about Helen Mirren’s hotness. If you’re wondering, Forest Whitaker presented Sandy B. (directed her in “Hope Floats”) and Peter Sarsgaard presents Carey Mulligan,
11:44: Oprah presenting Gabourey Sidibe. She’s crying already. Aw, Gabs. Stanley Tucci presents Meryl. Ha, he’s starting a movement to cap nominations at 16. Meryl and Stanley are adorbs.
11:47: Sean Penn presents the Best Actress award to… Sandra Bullock!!! ARE YOU KIDDING?? Guess I should have expected it but REALLY?
11:49: Wow, but you know Sandy is a class act and it’s nice she’s shouting out the other ladies. Surprised she’s not crying but you know, it’s a little refreshing. Little humor, humility. Nice.
11:51: The mom talk brings out the tears. Jesse James, professional badass, and Mr. Sandra Bullock, gets caught on camera in tears.
11:53: Streisand presenting Best Director. Can we get this show on the road, peoples? All this talking is just too much. We get it!
11:54: And the Oscar goes to….Kathryn Bigelow!!!!! YES!!!! GO WOMEN!! GO HURT LOCKER!!!!
11:56: Standing O for Bigelow! In your face Cameron. Mark Boal is crying. Awesome.
11:58: Couldn’t get a read on Cameron’s reaction shot. QT looks tired and bored and disappointed.
11:58: And bullseye. Goliath goes down. In your face 3D. The Hurt Locker takes the 2010 Oscar for Best Picture!
11:59: Renner, Geraghty and Mackie are just so cute up there. They all look stunned. It’s so awesome to see this group up there.
12:01: The Oscars tried to be populist this year with the 10 Best Picture nominees and look what happens, the lowest grossing of all the nominees practically sweeps. Great stuff for smart, low budget cinema and a big middle finger to the 3D juggernaut.