Beyond the Wall
Okay, now that all that is out of the way, time for the Frozen Zombiepocalypse! Frankly, I couldn’t be more thrilled to see this combination of people bonding together, and I only wish it didn’t have to be on a frozen tundra where some are surely going to die. I don’t want to lose any of them!
Gendry, who’s never seen snow, compares notes with Tormund, who describes the South as smelling like “pig shit.” Jon reminds him that the southernmost he’s been is Winterfell. Can you imagine Tormund in Dorne? The mind reels. Gendry’s also razzed by The Hound for whinging about his naked leech barbecues with Melisandre. “This one’s been killed 6 times, and he’s not bitching about it,” he points out about Beric.
Tormund makes an interesting point to Jon about the whole bending the knee issue: “Mance Rayder never bent the knee—how many people died for his pride?” It’s kind of shocking hearing a nuanced argument such as this from Tormund, who later, is delighted to learn the word “dick” from The Hound, and discusses what big children he’s going to have with Brienne, much to the horror of The Hound, who points out that those loving looks she’s been giving Tor are more of the “carve you up and eat your liver” variety. There’s so much good Tormund in this episode, I’m truly worried we are going to lose him.
Jon tries to give Longclaw, Jeor Mormont’s Valyrian sword to Jorah, who refuses the gift. “He gave it to you,” he says, “I forfeited the right to this sword.” He mentions that it’ll serve Jon and his children well. First Dany’s successor, now Jon’s kids…
The Wild Bunch encounter their first wight in the form of a giant undead bear. Awesome. Animals can become ice zombies too. Thankfully they have a few filler guys who can get their heads ripped off by the bear, though Thoros does get mauled too. Giving his old priest a draught from his flask, Beric cauterizes the wound with his flame sword and Thoros presses on. “I just got bit by a dead bear,” he says, “funny old life.”
This offers the chance for Thoros and Jorah to reminisce about a battle against the Ironborn, where Thoros was blackout drunk, “the bravest man I ever saw,” Jorah says. “Just the drunkest,” Thoros corrects. Alcohol abuse is just one of the charming aspects of roving mercenary priests.
Beric and Jon also bond over their shared experiences of being resurrected by the Lord of Light. While Jon questions why they’ve been brought back to serve him, Beric assures him not to get too deep. “Death is the enemy,” he intones, “the enemy always wins but we still need to fight it. We have to defend those who can’t defend themselves, maybe that’s enough.” It’s definitely enough for Jon, who seems satisfied with the answer.
Their second encounter with the undead is a small group of wights that they lure to a campfire for an ambush. When Jon fells the leader White Walker with Longclaw, the wights fall dead, except for one, whom they capture. It can’t be that easy, can it? But what is that rumbling? That far-off screeching? Jon quickly sends Gendry to run back to Eastwatch to send a raven to Dany—they’re going to need help.
The not-so-merry band runs to a rock outcropping in the middle of a frozen lake, cracking the ice, pursued by a literal horde of wight zombies (Rob Zombie’s ears are ringing). The ice can’t hold them, many plunge into the icy water, and so Jon and his posse find themselves on a rock, surrounded silently by an army of undead, waiting for their Queen to rescue them. Thankfully Gendry’s cardio is on point and he makes it to the gate of Eastwatch to send a raven.
In the morning, they discover that Thoros has passed in the night. Um, Beric, no chance that you could have used that fire sword to keep warm? They douse his body in booze and light him up, courtesy of the fire sword. RIP you sozzled priest, the only way to go.
The team debates their plan. Jorah, points out that when John killed the White Walker, the wights he changed fell, why not just kill the White Walkers? Jon, stubborn, points out that they need to bring their prisoner back (again, worst plan ever). Beric suggests killing the Night King, who is creepily watching them from a distance. “You don’t understand,” says Jon.
Beric says, “the Lord of Light brought you back and he brought me back—did he do it just to watch us freeze to death?” But this is Beric’s last life—no more Thoros to reanimate him. “I’ve been waiting for the end for a long time—maybe the Lord brought me here to find it,” he says. Beric for episode MVP.
[Brief cutaway to Dragonstone, where Dany climbs aboard a dragon in the BEST fur coat ever, while she tells a fretful Tyrion: “You told me to do nothing before — I’m not doing nothing again.” She takes off with all three dragons]
The plan is decided for the crew when the Hound dumbly tosses a rock at a wight, revealing the ice to be solid again, and suddenly they’re beset by the horde once more. They fight them back, losing a filler guy, and almost losing Tormund, though The Hound thankfully saves his new BFF. They are so completely fucked, but what’s that glow? Fire? Dany swoops in, unleashing plumes of fire on those zombies, while also making meaningful eye contact with Jon. It. Is. Amazing.
She’s trying to rescue the crew, but Jon, ever the hero, beats back the wights while everyone else boards the dragon. Distracted by Jon, Dany’s looking away while the Night King casually tosses an ice spear that turns into a fucking missile that brings down the dragon in the sky (Viserion?). DRAGON DOWN. Gushing blood, the dragon plunges into the icy water.
Dany’s horrified at the loss of her child. Jon makes eye contact with the Night King, who readies another spear, heading for Dany now. Jon screams at them to leave and she takes off just in time. The spear almost causes Jorah to fall off. Jon is just getting completely owned, covered in wights, and is plunged into the water, Jaime style.
But Jon cannot be killed. He pulls himself out of the water, and grabs Longclaw. He’s still completely screwed when another deus ex machina comes riding up, swinging a fire mace — it’s UNCLE BENJEN STARK (Joseph Mawle). He plops Jon on his horse back to Eastwatch and sacrifices himself to the zombie horde, going down swinging.
Eastwatch
The Hound makes his farewell to Beric and Tormund, hopping in a boat with the captured wight. Dany is reluctant to leave, waiting for Jon. Finally, they see a horse with a frozen Jon approach.
On the ship back, Jon and Dany share their most vulnerable and emotional moment yet as he convalesces. He’s sorry, and he wishes he could take the whole stupid plan back and prevent the loss of her child. But she’s grateful for the experience: “If I hadn’t gone I wouldn’t have seen it, you have to see it to know. Now I know.” She’s filled with a Cersei-like mother’s vengeance for her child: “we’re going to destroy the Night King and his army and we’re going to do it together”
Jon calls her “Dany” for the first time and she mentions the last person to call her that was her brother Viserys, “not the company you want to keep.” “How about my Queen?” Jon responds. While it suspiciously sounds like a marriage proposal, the reality is he’s bending the knee, from his sick bed. Of his subjects, he says, “they’ll come to see you for what you are.” “I hope I deserve it,” she responds tearfully. Yay! Unity! Love! Survival! Targaryens!
BUT WHAT’S THIS. UH. OH. YUP. WE HAD A FEELING THIS WOULD HAPPEN.
The Night King is hauling something out of the ice… the body of a dragon. That’s right guys. We’ve got blue-eyed dragons, baby. This war just took on a whole new dimension. Ice-breathing dragons!
Please leave your comments, complaints, muscles you pulled and suggestions for MVP below!
