Let’s start with what’s most important about “Minions: The Rise of Gru,” which is that my children loved it. One is going on nine years old, so she’s mostly come out on the other side of her affection for these characters, but she had a good time; her five-year-old sister, in the midst of full-on Minion Fever (she brought a stuffed Bob along with her to the screening), proclaimed it the best one yet, though she may have been suffering from recency bias. And though your correspondent has been subjected to what would mildly be described as “repeat viewings,” I’m not immune to their charms; the first and second “Despicable Me” are reasonably enjoyable, as these things go.
And perhaps the idea of reviewing the fourth sequel to a children’s film is silly anyway; it’s not like my complaints will sway any potential ticket-buyers. Families will go to see it if they’re so inclined. The question, really, is posed by parents: how painful is this one to sit through? To which I reply: It could be worse, but it could certainly be better.
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Matthew Fogel’s screenplay begins with faaaaaar more table-setting than you’d expect for the fifth film in a franchise. We begin not with Gru (voiced by Steve Carell), the ostensible focus of the “Despicable Me” trilogy, or the Minions, whose inexplicable pop culture ubiquity led to them not only taking over that franchise but getting their own solo adventure seven summers hence. No, we are introduced to The Vicious Six, a gang of villains who are in pursuit of the Zodiac stone, which will give them the power “to take out the Anti-Villain League.” It’s hidden in a cave in Asia, so the gang’s leader Wild Knuckles (Alan Arkin), goes after it in a pre-title sequence that amounts to a “Raiders of the Lost Ark” ripoff – a reasonably exciting bit, truth be told, but by the conclusion, my five-year-old was asking (loudly) where the Minions were.
They finally arrive in a Bond-style title sequence, set to a cover of “Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)” sung in the Minion language, that obnoxious mash-up of Spanish, French, Italian, and gibberish. 2015’s “Minions” was their specific origin story; that one concluded with them meeting Gru, so “Rise” is his origin story – everyone gets one, apparently! (Oddly, “Rise” doesn’t even get the details of that meeting right, mounting a whole sequence about how he found them via a Help Wanted ad. Look, I know I’m focusing on stupid details here, but in my defense, someone has to.) Yet, there is still plenty of focus on the Minions: Kevin, Stewart, Bob, and a new, even more irritating fourth Minion, Otto, whose whole deal is that he talks incessantly.
“Minions” was one set in the ‘60s, but only the vaguest version of it with the most obvious cultural indicators, so this one is set in an equally nebulous ‘70s – so we get Minions in little afros, sideburns, and porn mustaches, a pet rock as a plot point, a scene in a movie theater that’s running “Jaws,” Gru saying, “Dyn-o-mite,” his mother saying, “They are killing my mellow vibes” (Oh Julie Andrews, has it really come to this?), and every obvious needle drop imaginable, from “Shining Star” to “Blitzkrieg Bop” to “Get Down Tonight” to “Funky Town.” But because these movies are nothing if not inconsistent, there’s also a “don’t tase me bro” joke. Remember that?
Anyway, the plot: the Vicious Six are 11-year-old Gru’s favorite band (of villains), but they left Knuckles for dead back in Asia, and are interviewing to fill his spot, so Gru shoots his shot. It goes poorly; “Evil is for adults,” he’s told, “and not for tubby little punks who should be in school.” So, he swipes the Zodiac stone from them to prove himself a worthy supervillain. But then Knuckles, who is (twist) still alive, kidnaps him (“Wow, my favorite villain is also my kidnapper”), but then takes Gru under his wing and teaches him how to be a villain. The story’s various strands converge in San Francisco on Chinese New Year, in an urban destruction sequence that wants, more than anything in this world, to be in a superhero movie.
The addition of multiple new characters means “Rise of Gru” boasts one of the series’ most impressive voice casts, but with little effect; Jean-Claude Van Damme, Dolph Lundgren, Danny Trejo, and Lucy Lawless, all voicing members of the Vicious Six, barely get anything to say or do. And while inclusion in voice casting and animated characters is great, how progressive is it when they’re playing the most obvious, retrograde stereotypes imaginable, i.e. Taraji P. Henson as Belle Bottom, sporting a giant Afro and Cleopatra Jones costume, or Michelle Yeoh as Master Chow, a kung-fu acupuncturist?
Other problems are familiar from previous entries, including the off-putting Illumination Entertainment house style of weirdly proportioned, impossibly slim-limbed humans, as well as the simple fact that there is just nothing inherently funny about the Minion language, a simple fact that has now been proven many times over. And then there is the origin story conundrum – we’re dealing in the broad winks and “easter eggs” of a story set in (sigh) their universe, so Russell Brand’s Dr. Nefario turns up working the counter at a record store, and there’s a visit to the Bank of Evil, complete with a return appearance for Will Arnett’s Mr. Perkins from the original film, who shows off a picture of his son, that entry’s villain. (My oldest gasped in recognition, the human version of the “I understood that reference” meme, and I was depressed anew by how much of contemporary mainstream entertainment exists solely to elicit that response. But I digress.)
“The Rise of Gru” isn’t a complete waste; there’s the occasional inspired sight gag, particularly the prop work in the martial arts training sequence, and Arkin seems to have a good time (it’s surprising he hasn’t done more voice work). It’s mercifully short – 86 minutes, including leisurely opening and closing credit sequences – and is, it must be said, better than “Despicable Me 3” (which was barely a movie) or “Minions” (quite possibly the most annoying motion picture ever made), though that’s a mighty low bar indeed.
But this notion, of the supervillain antihero and the gibberish-spouting minions who serve him, remains an awfully thin premise to hang a movie on – much less five of them. [C-]
“Minions: The Rise of Gru” debuts in theaters on July 1.