— In search of ever-stranger source material for blockbuster movies, (following theme park rides and segments of “Fantasia”…) Jerry Bruckheimer is developing a movie based on the four year old, not particularly successful real-time-strategy video game “Shattered Union,” which will be written by J Michael Straczynski (“Changeling,” the upcoming “World War Z”). The game is set in the near future, in the aftermath of a nuclear attack on Washington DC, and follows a civil war between the California Commonwealth, The Confederacy, the Great Plains Federation, the New England Alliance, Pacifica and the Republic of Texas. The worst thing about this movie? By the time it’s released, this will actually have happened. Seriously, Glenn Beck furiously masturbates to the game almost every night.
— On the plus side, this civil war would hopefully also prevent the release of Dimension Films’ remake of “Short Circuit,” which now has a director in the shape of Steve Carr, whose charge sheet CV includes “Daddy Day Care,” “Are We Done Yet?” and “Paul Blart: Mall Cop.” The script, from “Robot Chicken” writer Dan Milano, apparently “brings the iconic Johnny 5 into the 21st century.” Presumably, by iconic, they mean “kids will hopefully confuse this movie with Wall-E.”
— A final, terrible poster for Guy Ritchie’s “Sherlock Holmes” reboot has premiered over at Cinematical. Apart from the hilariously awful tagline “Holmes For The Holiday,” the most surprising thing about it is that Holmes and Watson appear to have murdered Rachel McAdams, and placed the top third of her body in a shelf, immediately under a bulldog. That’s a plot twist we certainly didn’t see coming. Also, are they even trying anymore with the obvious photoshopped heads? A close look is near embarrassing.
— The Broken Lizard comedy troupe have been getting steadily worse since their pretty-good “Super Troopers” almost a decade ago (although they have their defenders amongst The Playlist staff). Their latest film, “The Slammin’ Salmon,” set in a seafood restaurant owned by a former boxer (Michael Clarke Duncan), premiered at Slamdance earlier this year, and has only now picked up distribution, which suggests it ain’t exactly a return to form… Anchor Bay will be giving it a limited release in December, for those curious enough to check it out.
