Tom Cruise’s megalomania is clearly out of control. We’ve all watched enough Oprah to know. However, the narcissistic monomania is hitting a new apex thanks to the 25th Anniverary of “Risky Business” – as commemorated and reminded to us all by Tom Cruise on his new website TomCruise.com (Face it, did anyone know or care that it’s been 25 years since the actor broke-through in “Risky Business,” besides Cruise himself??).
What’s worse, as Vulture points out, Cruise’s tribute to himself is replete with music from his own film, plus other tracks just illustrious enough to be fitting of Tom Cruise.
In a completely non-ironic joke, the site offers an unintentionally hilarious Tom Cruise 25 years montage video that sincerely and starts out to Richard Strauss’ “Also Sprach Zarathustra” the uber-dramatic theme adopted by “2001: A Space Odyssey,” to convey just how important his body of work has been to the filed of cinema (you’ll remember that in similarly ostentatious manner. professional wrestler “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair entered the square ring to this same grandiloquent tone poem).
Let’s give Cruise the benefit of the doubt. ‘Zarathustra’ is probably in the public domain, but if you keep watching the montage sequence it slowly changes and the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy For The Devil” is played, clearly to portray how much of an amazing rebel Cruise has been all these years by courageous taking on roles like the straight non-autistic person in “Rain Man,” the naive pompadoured pool hotshot in “The Color Of Money,” and the cocky bottle-juggling bartender jackass of “Cocktail.”
And yes, Cruise is a trillionaire and obviously a member of the sacred first order cult of Scientologists, but did he even bother trying to acquire rights to the Stone’s classic track? Or did he just not even bother cause he figured he’d electrify the couch of anyone that stood in his way? (the montage later features The Monkees’ psychedelic classic “Porpoise Song” featured in “Vanilla Sky,” but it’s the Monkees, so we figure anyone who can rub two pennies together can buy that one). Also featured is U2’s rhythm section Larry Mullen Jr. & Adam Clayton’s take on Lalo Schifrin’s classic, “Mission Impossible Theme” (What, no Kenny Loggins???).
And that Phillip Glass-like repetitive melodic track full of urgency on the Tom Cruise main page? Why Tangerine Dream’s “Love on a Real Train,” of course (thank you Angelo’s work buddy!) cause it was a big part of “Risky Business.” TD composed most of the score (kinda weird to think, right?)
We’re willing to bet money that none of the songs on his site have been cleared for use (how does that even work?) and Cruise just figures he’s powerful enough to destroy all earth intruders.
Lastly, take note: even though Nicole Kidman and Cruise starred alongside each other in a last three films (“Eyes Wide Shut,” “Far and Away” and “Days Of Thunder”) all traces of romantic gestures (even in the kissing sequence!) between them have been excised from his “I’m totally awesome” montage. Way to re-write history, my man!
Listen: Tangerine Dream “Love On A Real Train”
Watch: Tom Cruise Tries To Kill Oprah With Evil Jedi Powers