Riverrun
At Riverrun, we have two long-awaited reunions. The first: Brienne (Gwendoline Christie) and Jaime (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau). Ah, what could be, if Jaime weren’t so dedicated to his sister-lover. The affectionate tension between the two remains intact. Hey girl, remember that time we were in that bear pit?
The Brienne-Jaime coupling would be a bit twincesty anyway, since they look so much alike, all tall and blonde and armored. By the way, he lets her keep the sword. The second reunion is between Podrick (Daniel Porter) and Bronn (Jerome Flynn) who are pleased as punch to see a friendly face, and engage in a little lighthearted horseplay.
Brienne wants to parlay with the Blackfish (Clive Russell), and get him to abandon the castle to go North and save Sansa’s ass. Jaime doesn’t have high hopes for this plan, and he’s right. The Blackfish basically tosses Sansa’s letter in the moat. So Jaime works on Plan B: simple man Edmure (Tobias Menzies). While Ed’s being held prisoner as a blackmail/bribe/bait, Jaime’s plan is to let him retake Riverrun, after a stern talking-to, wherein he intimates the wretched prisoner, tells him he’ll kill his son, and that he’ll do anything for his sister-lover. It works. Edmure just walks in, then lets the Lannister/Frey army take the castle. And they let him! Because the Tully army has to answer to the Lord of Riverrun, and that’s technically Edmure.
Blackfish takes off, but not quickly enough. He plops Brienne and Pod in a row boat and then dashes off to a sword fight, saying he’ll make a damn fool of himself. Later we hear he dies. What the hell? Offscreen death for the awesome Blackfish? UNFAIR. I WANT A REFUND. Or will he come back? Anyway, points to Jaime for the politicking. He gives Brienne a wave as they row away.
King’s Landing
Sister Cersei (Lena Headey) is doing her own version of politicking in King’s Landing, which involves The Mountain ripping the head off of a Sparrow with one hand. Gross. Lancel better not come knocking at the door of the Red Keep ever again! Later, she attends a “royal announcement” where Uncle Kevan (Ian Gelder) gets a line, directing her to the gallery. Tommen (Dean-Charles Chapman) sets the date for Loras and Cersei’s trials, and then crushes his own mother’s dreams when he outlaws trials by combat. Margaery is most likely behind this, and we all know Tommy’s the most whipped husband in all the land.
Yet, Cersei always has something up her sleeve. Maester Qyburn (Anton Lesser) says his little birdies have confirmed the rumor that she asked him about. What could it be? Margaery’s a double agent? The High Sparrow boinks little boys? WILDFIRE UNDER THE CITY??
Meereen
Woof, Meereen. We haven’t been here for awhile, and for good reason. Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) has sent Varys (Conleth Hill) off to get some boats (P.S. the Greyjoys are on the way), and he’s feeling overly confident about his pact with Astapor and Yunkai. His rule has descended into small council meetings where he forces Missandei (Nathalie Emmanuel) and Grey Worm (Jacob Anderson) to drink wine and workshop some terrible jokes. Grey Worm is pretty stealthily funny for an Unsullied.
But it turns out that the wine and whores diplomacy hasn’t kept the masters of Slaver’s Bay from catapaulting fire bombs at the city from the harbor. Grey Worm finally tells Tyrion to shut it on the military strategy — they’re going to close themselves up in the pyramid and tough it out. But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is Daenerys (Emilia Clarke), dropped off by Drogon, with a fresh Dothraki weave. Mama’s home, babies.
Next week:
The Battle of the Bastards is finally here. Ramsay Bolton will finally get what’s coming to him from all the Stark kids. Or at least Sansa and Jon to be sure. Fingers crossed Sansa gets to be the one to throw him to his dogs. And fingers also crossed that Arya makes it there too. And wouldn’t it be great if Bran and Benjen could pop in? So many Starks! The episode, literally titled “The Battle of the Bastards,” is directed by Miguel Sapochnik, who directed last season’s awesome “Hardhome,” so this will no doubt bring the pain, as episode 9 always does.
Just a few Qs to ponder: Has Dorne sunk into the sea? How do we think Jorah Mormont is doing on his search for Neosporin? And can we please have more Lyanna Mormont please?
Happy theorizing!