'Charlie's Angels': Kristen Stewart's Your Playful Girl Crush In An Otherwise Silly, Sexy, Forgettable Actioner [Review]

Plenty of words come to mind when describing Kristen Stewart. Talented, sullen, possibly awkward. But despite two solid appearances on “Saturday Night Live,” rarely is the actress described as fun or funny. Sony’s 2019 “Charlie’s Angels” reboot may change that. No one has had more fun in the history of the world than Stewart is having here, and that includes kids who are ambushed by puppies in adorable YouTube videos. As one of the titular spies, her work here is certainly infectious — and feels absolutely nothing like work — even while the rest of the film can’t keep up with her. Directed by Elizabeth Banks (also a writer and co-star), this reboot of the “Charlie’s Angels” franchise struts proudly in the heeled footsteps of the ’70s TV show and the McG movies of the early-2000s, offering the same silly, sexy, and utterly forgettable action. While this edition isn’t quite as brainless as its predecessors, it’s still a dumb, if moderately entertaining, time at the movies, thanks largely to Stewart’s performance. Though why the running time is nearly a full two hours — including a credits scene — we’ll never know.

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Almost two decades have passed since the action of “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” (not that anyone remembers it), and the Townsend Agency of women spies, aka Angels, has gone international. There are multiple Bosleys now to cover all the global locations, and though Patrick Stewart’s senior Bosley is set to retire, the agency and its angels are in good hands with the likes of Elizabeth Banks and Djimon Hounsou. When genius coder Elena (Naomi Scott) is set to blow the whistle on the dangerous clean energy technology she accidentally helped develop, she becomes the target for a silent assassin (Jonathan Tucker, whose quiet, menacing turn feels like a failed audition for “Terminator: Dark Fate”). But with the help of two Angels — goofy Sabina (Kristen Stewart) and oh-so-serious Jane (Ella Balinska), brainy Elena can stay safe and keep the weapon out of the hands of those who would misuse its power.

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There’s a lot of technobabble about “root access” and “altering the blockchain” amidst the pleasantly feminist, overlong script from director Banks, but the flimsy plot is mostly an excuse for the three women to kick ass and Stewart to seduce everyone in the audience. Scott and Balinska are fine, and there’s some nice support from Patrick Stewart (also having fun here), a cute but unnecessary Noah Centineo, and Sam Claflin as a pissy, prissy CEO. But all eyes are on Kristen Stewart. She gives a playfully loose, confident performance that feels unlike her most famous roles and more like her actual self, and she’s clearly having a blast playing the part. Like the actress, Stewart’s Sabina is, like, so gay, and her character’s open enjoyment of other beautiful women on screen isn’t something we see that much in big studio action movies and so that extent, it feels a little revolutionary.

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The McG movies offered plenty of PG-13 T&A back in 2000 and 2003, but they were winking at the camera while doing it. This 2019 movie takes a different approach. The (sometimes hokey) feminist message is clear from its opening line delivered by Kristen Stewart — “I think women can do anything” — and in case you weren’t sure where the film stands, there’s a montage of girls around the world looking happy and strong. But this “Charlie’s Angels” isn’t offering you-go-girl platitudes alongside cheesecake to make the meal palatable for everyone. While Banks doesn’t bring much of a directorial stamp to the film (particularly in the action scenes), she does ensure that the male gaze that dominated previous incarnations isn’t visible. Sure, straight dudes might feel like there’s something here for them on screen as the women dress up as hot baristas, hot journalists, and hot jockeys, but these actresses aren’t there for their pleasure. And it’s not because these women aren’t sexy, it’s because it’s not the performative type of sexiness or the leering camera that you usually see in action movies. Instead, it’s the kind of attractiveness that has straight women using the phrase “girl crush” and has lesbians swooning.

In 20 years when the franchise is predictably rebooted again, audiences won’t be able to recall much from this version of “Charlie’s Angels,” just as the previous films haven’t had any lasting effect on pop culture beyond giving us Destiny’s Child‘s “Independent Women” and the TV show doesn’t possess more of lingering legacy than the signature pose. There’s no big action set piece à la “Mission: Impossible” here and no single line of memorable dialogue to reference. But someone will have created a supercut of Kristen Stewart’s best moments on whatever app replaces YouTube, and that will remain more indelible than the movie as an actual movie, especially for the girls who see themselves or women they want to see on screen. [C-]