'Maleficent: Mistress Of Evil': Angelina Jolie & Michelle Pfeiffer Go To War In The Bland, Dour Sequel[Review]

Disney has never been the Happiest Place on Earth. Remember the expressionistic forest in “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” or the entire plot of “Bambi?” Who could forget the racist crows in “Dumbo?” Happiness be damned, the studio used to find a way to wow us with the imagery and move us with the storytelling. From a technical point of view, “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil” is a wonder. Fluttering fairies; sun beams penetrating the castle walls; water lilies that could have been lifted from a painting by Monet. Yet the film never feels wonderful. The story is bland. Two queens duel it out, but who cares? Since neither of them are particularly likable. The only happy ending Disney seems to care about these days is box office results.

Disney had their wish granted in 2014 when “Maleficent” finished top ten at the box office that year and captured the imaginations of audiences thrilled to see something new. In a twist on “Sleeping Beauty,” audiences were put in the shoes of the wicked witch to see what it was that made her so wicked. And? The usual stuff: A nasty breakup, people assuming the worst based on appearances, a daughter (Aurora) she couldn’t connect with. This new one picks up where that one left off. The only difference is, Maleficent has found a worthy rival when it comes to her pointy cheekbones. It’s Angelina Jolie (Maleficent) versus Michelle Pfeiffer (Queen Ingrith), and the winner gets Aurora (Elle Fanning).

Before the fighting begins, Prince Charming must first propose to Aurora. She’s the ruler of the Moors–a garden of Eden for cute creatures– and that’s where he gets down on one knee and asks for her hand. Both moms are hesitant to agree at first. Can the two families get along? It’s a marriage of not just two lovers but, in the grander scheme of things, a marriage of two kingdoms (humans and magical creatures).

When it isn’t peddling cuddly creatures for happy meals or dramatic set pieces for theme park rides, “Maleficent: Mistress of Evil” is selling dejection. It’s certainly not selling happiness. Queen Ingrith is so haughty, so gleefully elitist, that she could have been played by Maggie Smith. Instead, she’s played by an evil-looking Pfieffer, and her plan is to kill all the non-humans on the basis of their differences. “The borders are open, but not everyone is welcome” one of her henchmen declares before the wedding.

On the other side of the castle wall is Maleficent. She’s off sulking with her fellow Fey–winged creatures with horns. And she would be crying if her augmented eyes would have allowed her to do so. Like the first, the reliance on technology trumps human apathy. Gone are the days when Disney put the characters before the characteristics of set designs.

When the wedding day arrives, all of the digital wizardry is on full display. The bride and groom are clueless about their parents’ rivalry. Little do they know that Maleficent and her flock of Fey are flying in, as Ingrith lines catapults along her gardens. Little do they know that the visiting animals are being suffocated by a red poison that bears an unfortunate resemblance to the gas chambers. Little do they know that there isn’t going to be a wedding at all.

If you didn’t know better, it would be impossible to guess that this was made for families. The final action sequence sees the Fey fall to their death, as the gyroscopic camera does its best to fit as many explosions and bodies in the frame as it can. Not before Maleficent can save the day; reminding everyone, as before, to not judge a book by its cover.

The script, written by Linda Woolverton, Micah Fitzerman-Blue, and Noah Harpster, is basically a magic mirror reflecting better movies. “Frozen,” “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” and every Shakespeare adaptation (ever) are clear inspirations for the neglected queen. That didn’t mean the writers themselves had to neglect the queen. For over half the run time, the title character isn’t even on screen. Not a good sign when Jolie is the best part of the movie.

In the original, which yes, is flawed, the point of the plot was to take this horned beast and make her human. Even a wicked witch can find happiness in a child. In the new one, she’s unable to be a good mother to Aurora, since the world around her is as dark as her dress. Audiences won’t blame her. It’s impossible to find happiness in the Most Depressing Place on Earth. [C-]