PARK CITY – A lot is riding on the latest show set for the Polina Poliski Art Gallery. It’s Art Basil week in Miami, and the Polina in question (Natalie Portman) is spotlighting an up-and-coming artist, Stella Burgess (Da’Vine Joy Randolph). Polina’s finances for keeping the enterprise open are dwindling, however, and she needs the show to be a true smash. As luck would have it, minutes before the doors are set to open, the AC has broken, and is dripping a pool of water right in front of a very sharp, large sculpture. You clock how dangerous it all is immediately. When obnoxious art influencer Dalton Hardberry (Zach Galifanakis) arrives, insisting on an early V-VIP first look, you don’t have to be a math wiz to figure out where this is going. Still, when the inevitable occurs, it’s gag-worthy, and for a moment, you think “The Gallerist” might be a Sundance surprise.
Fun fact: no. Certainly not in the manner the filmmakers were hoping.
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Directed and written by Cathy Yan and co-written by James Pedersen, “The Gallerist” follows the few hours Polina and her assistant, er, executive director Kiki (Jenna Ortega), attempt to convince the general public, the art world, and, at one point, local police officers that Dalton’s dead body impaled on Stella’s giant size replica of an emasculator is actually a silocon dummy and an artistic choice. As a horrified Stella wonders how Polina sucked her into this mess, Kiki’s aunt, legendary art broker Marianne Gorman (Catherine Zeta-Jones), shows up to facilitate a sale. The piece has already gone viral on social media, and Marianne wants a piece of the action. She bluntly deadpans, “I thought hyperrealism was dead.” One of many obvious inside jokes that telegraph the proceedings. Perhaps a few amount to a random giggle or two.
When Marianne realizes it’s actually that prick Hardberry’s real body, she has a prison-saving solution for her niece and Polina. They will sell the work to a naive, rich collector who will immediately stow it away in the tax-free haven of Miami, never to be seen again (this is actually a thing). They just need to pull it off before the body starts decomposing. Complicating matters are the arrival of Hardberry’s girlfriend, Alex (Charli XCX), who realizes what’s up, and Polina’s wealthy ex-husband, Tom (Sterling K. Brown), as a plot device.
For a few minutes, you think this might be an “SNL” skit gone wrong. A fun short film idea that shouldn’t have been fleshed out as a feature. But there are some laughs at first. Ortega is delivering one of her most memorable non-“Wednesday” performances ever, Portman is selling Polina’s insecure pretentiousness in a campy white wig that’s somehow endearing, Randolph turns Stella into the most grounded character in the room, and Zeta-Jones simply steals every scene she’s in. The “Chicago” star is serving top-tier intentional camp all while the movie has run out of steam and any semblance of plausibility minutes after she pops on screen. Life ain’t fair, is it?
In this context, Yan and Pedersen think they have a lot to say thematically about the inherent conflict between art and commerce. They were partially inspired by the banana peel duct-taped to a wall that sold for $6.2 million. There is a ton to mine here, but beyond some obvious pot shots and on-the-nose metaphors, it begins to feel more and more like a missed opportunity than smart satire.
For “The Gallerist” to at least entertain from start to finish, it also needed to avoid descending into generic comedy tropes (we won’t spoil the dumbest one) and storylines that bring the movie to a grinding halt (even Portman and Brown can’t depict their character’s rehashing their divorce into anything worth paying attention to). The whole film pretty much peaks at Hardberry’s impaling. At that point, there’s a good hour and 15 minutes left. Narrative structure matters. Take notes, everyone!
Compounding matters is that Yan’s aesthetic choices are almost too slick. No doubt fearing the proceedings would begin to feel claustrophobic (it takes place in essentially one big gallery space), she uses a ton of moving camera shots, following the characters through the gallery over and over and over. It’s almost dizzying. We would have happily endured a static shot instead (or five) for a few more laughs. For Zeta-Jones sake, at least. [C-]
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