Sunday, December 1, 2024

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Watch: Taylor Lautner Uses His Apple Products To Discover His True Identity In ‘Abduction’

Oh, those teenage years when you just don’t feel comfortable in your skin and feel like an alien in your own body. How better to address these complex issues than with a Jason Bourne-style action pic starring Taylor Lautner!

The first trailer for “Abduction” has dropped, yet another film of diminishing returns from the used-to-be-awesome director John Singleton. In the film, Lautner plays a young man whose girlfriend logs on to [insert Apple product here] and finds out that Lautner is actually a missing kid whose whole life as he knows it is a lie! Mercy me! Cue a bunch of people including a dead-eyed assassin and Alfred Molina trying to track him down — you know this is a movie because security cameras are suddenly able to broadcast in color in perfect HD. Amazing! And somehow, Sigourney Weaver got convinced to do this but no surprise she hides behind a bunch of balloons.

So yeah, this looks pretty silly but there are a bunch of girls out there fainting at their keyboards with all the steamy kissing and groping going on. Team Meh. “Abduction” opens on September 23rd.

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