The Open Salvo: “Ocean’s 13” announces its intentions from opening get-go, via credits and music. It’s practically the Price is Right gameshow font and music: spin the wheel, sit back and enjoy the ride for some innocuously fluffy-lite entertainment.
The Conceit: Revenge. You fuck with Elliott Gould and we’ll fuck with you. If only there was something meatier to chew into or perhaps an legitimate obstacle or two.
Giggle-Worthy: A delicious subplot where the two wonder twin goof-offs (Casey Affleck and Scott Caan) rig dice in a Mexican warehouse only to befriend their workers and incite a revolution on behalf of their poor working conditions.
The Pacing: Incredibly uneven. There are some juicy funny scene and some delightfully charming ones, but unfortunately they are far and few between. Many scenes are bogged down in technical mumbo jumbo and boring tech details.
Best cameo: No, it’s not Oprah Winfrey as the press loves to point out, it’s Super Dave Osbourne as Linus’ (Matt Damon) overbearing scamster father playing himself with his trademark unimpressed deadpanness.
No Woman, No Cry: No Julia Roberts or Catherine Zeta Jones (a fragile Ocean [Clooney] and Rusty [Pitt] seem to be on the outs with them throughout), but cougar Ellen Barkin plays the hottest 53-year-old we’ve seen onscreen in ages.
The Telegraphed Rub: Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia) is plotting a betrayal you can smell a mile away if you’ve seen “Oceans 12” and paid even half attention.
The Gags: Many of them are stock: Livingston’s (Eddie Jemison) broken rigged card machine is downright stupid, Linus’ overeager, inept and insecurity-themed character arc is amusing, but is run into the ground.
A Scam?: Is director Steven Soderbergh in for a couple mill with the studio? He resorts to butt-ugly digital video rather than film (not a good look for slick high rollers) and while it plays sometimes, a few scenes look like they are lit by a DP that’s decidedly checked out.
The Music we normally love?: David Holmes loungey cocktail score is enjoyable independently, but in the film, it feels like we’ve gone to this well one too many times.
The Verdict? Is it better than the unfairly maligned “Ocean’s 12”? What isn’t? It is better than the original? Patently False. Are they walking through the motions half the time? Definitely and one of these least probable culprits, Soderbergh, seems uninspired and phoning it in (you could rightfully claim the cast were paid to fuck off on 12, but you couldn’t cast a stone at the air-tight direction). Is this the last Ocean’s franchise? Unless the cast become dead broke in the upcoming years (note to Pitt: you’re beautiful, but don’t let them show your wrinkles in DV) you can bet the farm on it.
Download: David Holmes – “Not Their Fight”
Download: David Holmes – “Shit, Shit, Shit”
Download: David Holmes “Trapdoor Man”
Ocean’s 13: Believe It Or Not We Actually See A Movie Occasionally
