*Ha, most of the Golden Globe Award winners are on the website about 30 minutes before they were announced.
We’ve seen Matt Lauer try and pit Denzel Washington against “American Gangster” co-star Russell Crowe to no avail. We’ve seen Amy Adams admit she used to be a Hooters waitress in high school (our crush is shattered), watched Nikki Blonsky (star of “Hairspray”) freak the fuck out when she was nominated for a Golden Globe (it was really fucking scary actually watching her go ballistic and turn over a coffee table for no apparent reason) and saw “Juno”s Ellen Page act surprisingly professional in the face of a hideously mangled Long Island mom interviewer with the worst make-up we’ve ever seen on a TV personality ever (she was positively frightening).
We also saw the terribly boring Sally Field go on about her career, but we did learn about her album The Flying Nun (named after the movie). We need to check that one out.
9:05 p.m.
And the awards have started. Jesus this thing is going fast and is really uneventful. As we said, we’re not going to bother with the TV crap.
Best Supporting Actress
Cate Blanchett, I’M NOT THERE
Saoirse Ronan, ATONEMENT
Julia Roberts, CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
Amy Ryan, GONE BABY GONE
Tilda Swinton, MICHAEL CLAYTON
This is a surprise. Everyone assumed Amy Ryan (“Gone Baby Gone”) was going to take this, but it’s nice to see “I’m Not There” get some acclaim after being passed over by most mainstream audiences. Both actresses are shoe-ins for the Oscar nominations, but it’s hard to say if this will make much of a dent at the Academy Awards (seems doubtful). In a press release, Blanchett said, “I share this totally with Christian Bale, Marcus Carl Franklin, Heath Ledger, Richard Gere and Ben Whishaw. And of course none of this would be possible without the great man himself, Bob Dylan, wherever you are, whoever you are, I thank you deeply.”
Best Animated Film
RATATOUILLE
THE BEE MOVIE
THE SIMPSONS MOVIE
No surprise there. It’s taken in jaw-dropping $600 million worldwide. And Pixar always takes this. We think it’s actually in their contract to win each year. Patton Oswalt is shedding a tear of happiness as we speak.
Best Actress In A Comedy or Musical
Marion Cotillard – LA VIE EN ROSE
Amy Adams – ENCHANTED
Nikki Blonsky – HAIRSPRAY
Helena Bonham Carter – SWEENEY TODD
Ellen Page – JUNO
So much for “Juno”s Ellen Page (who NBC seemed to think was a lock for this aside from Nikki Blonsky, ummm no), but the Hollywood Foreign Press made the right decision here; Cotillard was amazing as Edith Piaf. Not a lot of people probably saw the film, but it is the right choice. They’ve done something right so far.
Best Supporting Actor
Javier Bardem, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Casey Affleck, ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES…
Philip Seymour Hoffman, CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
John Travolta, HAIRSPRAY
Tom Wilkinson, MICHAEL CLAYTON
Again, no surprises here, though we would’ve loved to have seen Casey Affleck win. His performance and that entire movie is being grossly overlooked.
9:30 p.m.
Up next, Best Motion Picture Comedy or Musical, but holy shit. Ha! The Globes has fucked-up online and half the award winners are already up on their website.
Here’s who’s won what so far…(online). God, what a waste of our fucking time.
Best Motion Picture
ATONEMENT
AMERICAN GANGSTER
EASTERN PROMISES
THE GREAT DEBATERS
MICHAEL CLAYTON
NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ugh, “Atonement,” really? We couldn’t stand this movie, boo. Keep in mind though, the Globes have not correctly forecast an Oscar best-picture winner in four years, the last one being “The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King.” So hopefully, we’ll be safe Oscar time, but this is a surprise. Everyone thought this film was on the outs awards-wise. Maybe it’s not entirely out of the race now.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama
Daniel Day-Lewis – THERE WILL BE BLOOD
George Clooney – MICHAEL CLAYTON
James McAvoy – ATONEMENT
Viggo Mortensen – EASTERN PROMISES
Denzel Washington – AMERICAN GANGSTER
Let’s face it, Day-Lewis drank the competition’s milkshake.
Best Actor In A Comedy Or Musical
Johnny Depp – SWEENEY TODD
Ryan Gosling – LARS AND THE REAL GIRL
Tom Hanks – CHARLIE WILSON
Philip Seymour Hoffman – THE SAVAGES
John Reilly – WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY
Yeah, yeah, Depp will get nominated for an Oscar, but there’s no chance in hell, he’ll win.
Best Motion Picture – Musical Or Comedy
SWEENEY TODD
JUNO
ACROSS THE UNIVERSE
CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
HAIRSPRAY
This movie was really overrated and basically a re-hash of every Tim Burton movie Tim Burton ever made only with really dreadfully, atonal show tunes.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama
Julie Christie – AWAY FROM HER
Cate Blanchett– ELIZABETH : THE GOLDEN AGE
Jodie Foster – THE BRAVE ONE
Angelina Jolie – A MIGHTY HEART
Keira Knightley – ATONEMENT
Another perfect decision. See our earlier post. This film isn’t exactly fun, but it’s incredible and Christie’s award is much deserved. Though it’s not entirely a left-field win. Many – including us – are predicting she’s going to take Best Actress at the Oscars.
Best Director
Julian Schnabel, DIVING BELL & THE BUTTERFLY
Tim Burton, SWEENEY TODD
Joel Coen & Ethan Coen, NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Ridley Scott, AMERICAN GANGSTER
Joe Wright, ATONEMENT
This is really weird and a HUGE surprise, but a welcome one (we’ve been championing this film since we saw it in September of last year). The HFP are making all the right decisions. Weird. There’s no way in a million years that Schnabel can win the Oscar though, can he? Can he?? (We’d love to see this, but it just seems to far fetched). But this is a big shock, most people figured the Coen Brothers would be a lock here.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“Guaranteed” — INTO THE WILD (Music & Lyrics by: Eddie Vedder)
“Despedida” — LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA (Music by: Shakira, Antonio Pinto Lyrics by: Shakira)
“Grace Is Gone” — GRACE IS GONE (Music by: Clint Eastwood Lyrics by: Carole Bayer Sager)
“That’s How You Know” — ENCHANTED (Music & Lyrics by: Alan Menken)
“Walk Hard” — WALK HARD: THE DEWEY COX STORY (Music & Lyrics by: Marshall Crenshaw, John C. Reilly, Judd Apatow, Jake Kasdan)
God, are we going to have to suffer watching Eddie Vedder perform at the Oscars? Dear god, no. Maybe a strike is a good thing.
9:50 p.m.
Ok, back to the show and the awards that the retards who are running the website. There’s still a few awards they haven’t given away yet including Best Original Screenplay, Best Original Score. Wait, they didn’t even put these out on the telecast, the fucking tards!
However, this is what went down, just not during the telecast (wtf?)
Best Foreign Language Motion Picture
THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
4 MONTHS, 3 WEEKS AND 2 DAYS
THE KITE RUNNER
LUST, CAUTION
PERSEPOLIS
Glad to see this one taking so many awards.
Original Score
Dario Marianelli – ATONEMENT
Michael Brook, Kaki King, Eddie Vedder – INTO THE WILD
Clint Eastwood – GRACE IS GONE
Alberto Iglesias – THE KITE RUNNER
Howard Shore – EASTERN PROMISES
Stereogum and the indie community are currently crying that Jonny Greenwood didn’t win this award (wait, he wasn’t even nominated!). Of course normally this award normally mean jackshit to them. We love the fairweatherness.
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
Ethan Coen and Joel Coen – NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN
Diablo Cody – JUNO
Christopher Hampton – ATONEMENT
Ronald Hardwood – THE DIVING BELL AND THE BUTTERFLY
Aaron Sorkin – CHARLIE WILSON’S WAR
Oh my blog, really? So much for Diabl…Brook Busey-Hunt’s over-hyped script.
So “Juno” completely shut-out, ‘No Country’ only took two awards and lots of surprises and correct decisions (‘Butterfly,’ Schnabel and Cate Blanchett). Rockers that won [ed. oh god, you’re kidding me, right?] include Eddie Vedder and Cate Blanchett as Bob Dylan (wow, that was ingratiating). Queen Latifah won some TV mini-series award.
PS, if you were one of the two people who were reading this last night. A) Our coverage was painful to watch and b) totally unfun. Worst decision we’ve ever made.
Wow, that was brutalizingly bad, who do we email to get that hour of our life back?